Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan
by Bilbo-sama
Summary: [Persona 5, girl!MC AU] After escaping the creepy castle full of mind monsters, Akira spent the next 24 hours coming to terms with the possibility that she became an honest-to-cat magical girl. (Spoiler alert: she's not but it sure feels that way)
1. Transformation

I felt motivated enough to write a sequel to 'Image Problems' but the only idea I could get for it was 'Rivers in the Desert plays in the distance.' Which...isn't really helpful.

And then this idea popped up and I couldn't pass it up.

One of these days I'll write something that isn't comedy.

Also calling the girl!Protag 'Akira Kurusu' because laziness and the fact that Akira is a unisex name.

Disclaimer: I don't own Persona 5. For one, I'm not Japanese and nor do I run a video game company. I'm just some nerd who writes for fun.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

* * *

"What the flying hell just happened?" gasped out Akira as soon as she and Sakamoto were far away enough as possible from the cell they escaped from.

"You ripped a mask off so hard your effing face was bleeding and then your clothes changed and you summoned a demon-" Sakamoto stammered out.

"My clothes did what?" Akira looked down and saw that indeed she wasn't wearing her school uniform anymore. Instead, she was wearing a long black coat over a waistcoat and dark pants. Her hands were covered in red gloves.

Upon inspection, the strange outfit melted back into her uniform.

"Oh! They changed back," Sakamoto commented unhelpfully.

He watched as a strange look formed on the transfer student's face. It was a mix of apprehension and 'oh crap.'

"Well shit," she finally said, "I'm a magical girl now."

Sakamoto snorted, "all we're missing is a cute mascot that shows you the ropes."

Twenty minutes later, they found a cat-like being in a cell that demanded to be freed.

"Goddammit, you asshole, you jinxed me," Akira grumbled as they released the cat who introduced himself as 'Morgana' who was definitely a human stuck in the shape of a cat.

"Enemies!" the not-cat shouted as the castle guards approached. Immediately, there was a flash of flames and Akira was back in the strange clothes.

…And then the cat proceeded to teach her the basics of battle and how to use demon - sorry, Persona summoning - to your advantage. It wasn't dispelling the magical girl vibe at all.

Sakamoto reluctantly stayed back and watched as the two fought enemies off long enough for the three of them to reach an empty room with only a vent as a way out.

Fortunately for the teens' sanity, Morgana didn't follow them out of the castle and into the real world. Akira was also returned to her school uniform that, as with Sakamoto, conveniently had no bloodstains or tears anywhere that could make things more awkward.

And oh shit they're late. Beyond late, even. Shitshitshit-

After class, she went up to the roof where Sakamoto was waiting.

"I…didn't get naked when I transformed right?" Wait. That wasn't something you ask right off the bat. Crap, this day needs to end now.

"…N-no?" Sakamoto spluttered. "I mean, you effin' burst into flames and came out looking badass. A lot better than twirling around all sparkly and shit as you get wrapped up in ribbons, y'know?"

He sighed.

"Man, I guess the whole castle thing wasn't a dream either, huh?"

"It wasn't," Akira replied before grumbling, "I feel like I've completely lost control of my life."

She returned to Leblanc later that night with a stomach full of ramen and her phone containing Ryuji Sakamoto's chat id. She got scolded by her new guardian and went to bed where she proceeded to dream about the blue velvet jail cell again. God, that Igor guy was creepy. She'd rather have the cat thing as her mentor instead. At least he wont be so ominous about stuff.

When Ryuji attained his own Persona abilities along with a thief outfit that made him stylishly thuggish the next day, Akira felt that maybe she could handle the magical girl thief thing after all.

* * *

If anyone's wondering, no she really isn't a magical girl but the whole situation certainly gave off that vibe.

I'm marking this complete until I get more ideas to play with.


	2. Lessons

It's been not even a week yet but some ideas wont let me go.

I don't plan on novelizing the entire game. Instead I'm just going to jump in here and there with whatever strikes me.

Just a heads up, Shiho's suicide attempt is mentioned in this chapter. Um...yeah.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 2 - Lessons

* * *

The initial few days in the Castle taught Akira a few things:

1\. How to carefully make yourself stealthy by making no noise  
2\. Paying attention to your surroundings is crucial  
3\. Captain Kidd doesn't talk with a pirate-y accent what the hell  
4\. You can definitely pick favorites among the voices in your head (Incubus only lasted a few hours)  
5\. Arsene sometimes speaks in French (which confuses her because she never learned French) and he likes to do it on purpose.

The first two lessons came in handy when Morgana decided to visit the real world.

Ryuji flailed about as a black and white cat spoke in Morgana's voice.

Akira, if her mind hadn't switched on to 'Metaverse Mode' the moment Weird Shit started happening, would've ended up saying out loud 'oh fuck the mascot found us.'

Instead, very calmly, she schooled a confused facial expression, looked up at Ryuji and said "Meow?"

"That's not effin' funny!"

The not-cat didn't seem to return with them after that day's excursion.

The next day started out with her being surprised (which was ego-blowing because dammit she was on a roll with the being aware of one's surroundings thing) by Morgana's sudden appearance in her desk. Which was in class. In school. With normal people around.

Before she could panic over the possibility of being accused of smuggling an animal into school with no way of being believed that she didn't because of her 'record,' the universe brought forth a distraction in the form of Shiho Suzui jumping off the roof.

Later, she could probably blame the shock of the possibility of being expelled on not checking her surroundings first before entering the Metaverse.

"Oh shit, it's Takamaki," she blurted out.

Takamaki proceeded to sneak back in after they pushed her out of the Metaverse, get captured, get pissed off enough to break out of the shackles keeping her to the board she was pinned to, summon her Persona, and kick all the guards' asses before Kamoshida's Shadow had the sense to run away.

"What -" Takamaki spluttered as she collapsed to the ground in exhaustion. She then sat up straighter to hide her chest from view.

"What am I wearing?!"

'A red catsuit,' would've been the Captain Obvious answer so Akira went with "Well, it could've been worse. How do you feel about cutesy pastel ribbons?"

"W-what?"

"This ain't time for your anime fantasies, Joker," Skull groaned.

"I can fantasize any time I want."

The three parted ways later that day with Akira's bag feeling mysteriously heavier than usual.

The answer revealed itself when she entered Yongen-jaya's backstreets in the form of Morgana popping his head out of the bag and declaring, "so this is where you live!"

"Sack of blue!" yelped Akira in what she assumed was French.

* * *

At this point, she's just going to run with the magical girl thing into the ground until it stops being funny.


	3. The Night Before

I've heard that July 3rd is Ryuji's canon birthday. So to celebrate, here's a chapter.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 3 - The Night Before

* * *

The calling card is almost finished. All is left is the name.

Ryuji sighed and leaned back in his desk chair.

Shit. Why hadn't everyone sat down and discussed that part before deciding on sending the calling card by tomorrow? It would've been so much easier.

Alright. Let's brainstorm.

Morgana has been training him, Akira, and Ann to be phantom thieves while calling them Persona users...which is what the beings they've summoning in battle are.

Akira's first Persona sounded very familiar. Turns out the anime he remembered was based on some old timey French novels about a thief...which explains the gibberish Arsene would say in Captain Kidd's general direction. It must be something bad because his Persona would bitch about the 'snail eating pansy who would not last long on a boat' afterwards when Ryuji's trying to sleep.

At least Arsene is still there instead of say, Incubus who only lasted a couple of hours before she kicked him out for a Kelpie. The only explanation they got was 'he was being a creepy motherfucker.'

Part of him wanted to say 'what did you expect, the guy has a giant sword thing for a dick' but he didn't want to get a Garu to the face by Mona again.

Anyway, where was he?

They're being trained to be phantom thieves which is like thieves who are ghosts or some shit like that because they pop up when you least expect it, steal your shit, and leave when you're not looking. This gig is easier to do in the Metaverse because whatever the fuck is Mona talking about when it comes to the cognitive stuff that needs to be explained better. Or at least say it without being a total snob about it. Ryuji should probably look this up sometime.

Didn't the cat say the Metaverse was in everyone's hearts? And the treasure is what's in a particular Shadow's heart? So therefore, they're stealing hearts. Technically.

Ryuji grinned as he typed down the final touches to the calling card:

 _'Signed,_

 _The Phantom Thieves of Hearts'_

 **Are you sure that's a good one?** asks Captain Kidd.

 **What's wrong with it?** Ryuji thinks back.

 **Wouldn't this be enabling Akira?** the Captain points out.

...Wait. Shit. It would, wouldn't it?

Y'know what? Fuck it.

It'll be fine as long as Akira doesn't think up poses and speeches for everyone. She wouldn't be that obsessed, right?

[The Next Day]

"We're not doing that," Panther declared.

"But why not?" Joker whined.

"We don't have time to rehearse! Let's just grab the treasure and go!"

"Ugh, fine."

"You're so wise, Panther," gushed Mona, who also had a limit to Joker's obsession. You would too if you lived with her for the past week and a half.

'Thank fuck for Panther,' thought Skull.

* * *

I have relatives visiting for the week so there might not be another chapter in the next few days. So yeah, just a heads up.


	4. Observations

I'm thinking of making a schedule. Like, once a week every Thursday I'll post a chapter starting today (July 6th).

In this chapter: I introduce Haru early because I do what I want. Also, have some general idea of what Protag-chan looks like.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 4 - Observations

* * *

-June-

The so-called criminal transfer student known to all as Akira Kurusu, Makoto decided, is rather tall.

Which meant following her was hard because it was like for every one step the transfer student took, it takes four for Makoto in order to keep up.

Today Kurusu has entered the library and looked around before noticing the manga collection. She browses for a minute before her eyes behind the thick large glasses seemed to light up. She selects a volume before sitting down while doing her best to ignore the whispers.

'No way, she's reading that series?'

'I didn't know she's into that.'

'She seems so...serious and librarian-y. Why would she waste her time on that?'

'Maybe she's going to steal it? She is a criminal after all.'

At that, Kurusu sighs, shuts the volume, returns it to the shelf, and leaves with nary a hair getting out of place of the intricate braided bun on the back of her head.

Haru Okumura, a classmate of Makoto, looked up and frowned at the increase of whispers. She watches Kurusu return the manga and leave before getting up from her own seat and goes to the shelf to see what the source of gossip was about.

To Makoto's bafflement, Okumaru-san smiled before gathering her things and presumably leaving for garden club activities.

A few hours later, when the library was close to empty, Makoto returned and gravitated towards the manga shelf.

The volume was still there.

Why would a serious looking girl read something so frivolous?

And why risk being seen reading 'Angel of Love and Justice Momochan?'

...And why does this school even have that?

* * *

It was by chance when Haru encountered the transfer student in the bookstore at Shibuya a few days later.

Kurusu-san, while intimidating looking, was browsing the pet section while her cat peered out of the bag that hung over her shoulder. The cat seemed displeased by this judging from the low hiss it made.

For some reason, the student council president, Makoto Niijima, was pretending to be browsing a business shelf while angling her head so she can keep an eye on Kurusu-san.

"Shush, Morgana," Kurusu-san whispered as she glanced at the cat who quietly 'mrowed' in response.

"Right now you're a cat and cats have specific needs for some things...probably," she whispered again.

It was at that moment, Haru decided to take a chance and approached Kurusu-san. Niijima-san retreated to the history section.

"Excuse me," Haru quietly said and was rewarded by a a startled twitch from Kurusu-san who then carefully turned around, mindful of the bag's proximity with the book shelves.

"Um, yes?"

"May I pet your cat?"

Kurusu-san glanced at the cat, now revealed to be Morgana, whose 'mew' sounded like a sigh.

"I think that was a 'maybe,'" she shrugged.

Haru carefully raised a hand to Morgana to let it sniff her. For a moment Morgana gave her a look that seemed to translate to 'are you kidding me?' before it gave in and sniffed. Haru stroked the cat's head and before long it was purring.

It meowed again and Kurusu-san immediately looked down to see the book Haru was holding in her other hand.

"Is that the latest volume of Card Keeper Bakura 2?" Kurusu-san asked.

"It is!"

Ten minutes later the two girls exited the bookstore chatting away.

Makoto hesitated. Should she follow them? Surely Kurusu wouldn't dare to harm Haru Okumura.

Before she called it a day, she spotted Morgana staring at her. If she didn't know any better, the cat looked as though it regrets everything about today.

How strange.

* * *

If there's going to be silly movie references to watch in P5, then why not throw some in badly veiled references in here too?

Also, Haru gives me the impression that she'd like shoujo anime (including magical girls) but she also gives off that vibe that she likes horror movies and death metal.

I imagine that on girl!MC's side of things, like with Persona 3 Portable, you can start off some social links/confidants early and with less stricter requirements. Like, you can help Haru with garden club at like level 2 proficiency but the plants you work on will yield more rewards the more proficient you are.

Some confidants, however, will be introduced as soon as my new game plus file unlocks them because I never pursued them in my initial playthrough. :(


	5. Outwitting the Trickster

I was requested to do a bad end chapter. Here's my spin on it.

(Personally, the first half kinda feels like all I did was rewrite the bonus chapter to 'Phantom Thieves No Thieving!' orz)

 **Spoiler warning** for post-interrogation bad end and the alternate ending you get on December 24th.

Also, this chapter is rated a high T or a low M for blood and character death in the November half.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 5 - Outwitting the Trickster

* * *

-November 20, 20XX-

"I...the Charismatic Detective," Akechi began as his grin was getting wider now. Surely one does not smile like that without getting disfigured. Or perhaps that was the drugs making things still weird. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. Not when Akira was sure she most definitely fucked up on something important. All she could do was glare at him and dignify him with any sound.

"...Shall end you and the Phantom Thieves. Your little games are finished. My justice has prevailed over yours." He stepped forward to the table that separated him and the prisoner and raised the gun he shot the guard with to point it at her face.

"If only you accepted my offer," he falsely bemoaned, "then perhaps things would have turned out... _differently_."

Without changing expression, the prisoner slapped him. It will be the last action she made alive.

"So, you still refuse," Akechi remained nonplussed by the action, "well then...goodbye."

He pulled the trigger.

The prisoner remained upright but now her eyes were wide and unseeing. Akechi leaned over the table and kissed her bloodied forehead and carefully backed away.

The movement unbalanced the corpse and it toppled forward, leaving a mess all over the table.

Akechi removed the silencer on the gun and placed the weapon in the corpse's hand.

He then calmly opened the interrogation room door, walked out of the room and shut the door like he was sealing a tomb.

The body was found several hours later. By then, Akechi already took out two more Phantom Thieves and an accomplice.

-December 24, 20XX-

"Let's make a deal," boomed the floating old man formerly known as Igor, "I can restore the world as it was before - full of distortion and people going through life uncaring for others."

He received a glare in response. Despite being severely injured by the Attendant's halves, the Trickster remained defiant.

"Then how about this? If you accept, I will also restore your friends and the Phantom Thieves will be allowed to continue their activities without anyone intervening. That includes myself."

"...Really?" She cautiously sounded hopeful. Vulnerable.

Ah, he had an in.

"And wouldn't you like to stay in this city forever?" He floated closer to her. "What is waiting for you back home? Suspicion? Rumors? Ruined friendships?"

'Igor' circled around her like a shark, "Why would you make yourself suffer that way?"

"I..." the Trickster's resolve wavered.

"Don't you want to spend more time with the one you've declared your love for?" 'Igor' asked in a sympathetic tone.

"Don't accept it!" pleaded Lavenza, "please, stop toying with her!"

"Don't listen to the child," said the old man as he places a gentle hand on the trickster's shoulder, "she only wants you to return to that...horrible place. If you go, you'll never be happy."

The Trickster hung her head, "I don't want to go..."

"Then you accept my offer?" The old man asked.

The Trickster closed her eyes as she thought it over.

After a minute, she said: "...Yes."

'Igor' smiled a grandfatherly smile but his eyes were filled with wicked triumph, "The contract has been sealed."

"No..." whispered Lavenza, defeated, "all is lost now..."

The old man chuckled, "Ah, you are truly a child of man. Even you gave in to your desires."

Lavenza sobbed in defeat as a flash of light filled the room...

-DATE UNKNOWN-

Akira wandered the streets of Shibuya. Around her, people commented on the news announcer's yet another report on the activities of the Phantom Thieves.

And yet, no one around her suspects her of being one. They flit about worrying about their own lives and rarely do they stop to think about other people.

Therefore, it's up to her and friends to maintain order in this society. It's up to them to bring forth true justice. It's them who truly run this world.

She frowned. What did her friends look like again? It's all a blur...

A nearby truck blares its horn, startling Akira.

She shakes her head. Oh well, maybe she was feeling tired. It'll become clear after she takes a nap.

Her glasses slips down her nose and she uses a knuckle to push it back into place.

She smiles wickedly.

Maybe she'll stake out her next target before doing that nap...

* * *

My 'good end' headcanon says that ol' Yaldygjehksf didn't completely fulfill his side of the deal but he's not complaining when he has a powerful Persona user on his side that he can manipulate for his own gain.

And if the December half feels like the Final Temptation step in the Hero's Journey, then you're right, it is.

I know I said I wanted to post a chapter a week but I got a lot backlogged and the feeling of 'look at what I just wrote! :DDD' is very strong so every Monday and Thursday, I'm posting a chapter until I run out.


	6. PersoNNNNAAAAAAauuugggh

In which Ryuji is for some reason the POV character as the rest of the Phantom Thieves join in.

There's some paraphrasing in here because I was at first doing this by memory until I wandered into youtube. And then I decided that maybe I should spin it a bit because I'm not doing a novelization fic.

...And the more I think about it, I'm technically am. Um. Maybe?

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 6 - PersoNNNNAAAAAAauuugggh

* * *

-Yusuke-

Skull winced as he noticed Kitagawa's fingers dripping blood. Oh geez, is he going to be okay after that? Don't you need your hands in working order if you want to paint well?

Kitagawa rips off the fox mask now attached to his face and stock Kabuki sound effects heralded Goemon's arrival.

Damn, the soles of that geta are huge.

"A breathtaking sight," Kitagawa calmly begins.

'Okay, so far so good,' thinks Skull.

"Imitations they may be, but together, they make a fine spectacle."

With a arm wave and a head tilt, Kitagawa continued, "Though the flowers of evil blossom, be it known that abominations are fated to perish!" At that, a wave of ice wiped out Madarame's guards.

'That was actually pretty badass,' notes Skull.

At the end of Kitagawa's rant of justice, Joker calmly adjusts her gloves and says in a daring tone, "Well, then. Let's see what you're made of."

Kitagawa smirks, "Of course. Allow me to demonstrate."

~P5P5P5~

"Oh good, we're even on the number of guys and chicks," Ryuji blurts out later.

"What am I, chopped liver?" Morgana mutters from the confines of Akira's school bag.

"What did I tell you about jinxing us?" Ann hisses at Ryuji.

-Makoto-

"A Persona?" breathed Fox.

"Nah, dude, that's a bike!" That's actually pretty sweet, the more Skull thinks about it.

"How very Furious Frank," Joker comments, deadpan.

Skull resists a double take. Wait. Joker is aware of things that aren't magical girl related?

~P5P5P5~

"Let's put down some ground rules," Makoto announces later when the group leaves the flying bank to give Makoto a chance to rest from her awakening.

Ann, Morgana and Ryuji look at each other and nod. Finally, they may have an ally to back them up.

"Can you make Akira be less magical girl obsessed?" Ann asks.

"Hey!"

"W-what?" Makoto blinks, confused.

-Futaba-

Futaba's Persona turned out to be a UFO.

...That just carried her up inside with tentacles. Really big and thick hentai-grade tentacles.

Oh hell no. He didn't sign up for this.

Skull would rather take sparkles and speeches than this.

"Hm. It almost reminds me of the _The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife_ ," Fox (who was beside him) comments.

Skull unwillingly found that part of his brain filed that away under 'lookup later when not dead,' and hoped it wasn't that bad.

~Later that night after escaping certain death via batshit crazy bird mom thingy~

"What the fuck," Ryuji said aloud, thankful that his mother was working late tonight and thus less likely to walk in on him.

Because he really didn't want to explain why he was looking up ye olde porn disguised as 'art.'

Wait. Did he get trolled by Yusuke? With art?

Ryuji sighs and quickly deletes the last minutes of his search history while wondering when was the exact moment he started to lose control of his life.

-Haru-

"How unsightly," Okumura-senpai began as her father's shadow frowned and crossed his arms as his daughter back-talked him, "you'd ignore my pleas on top of your employees?"

"A good girl should obey the men in her life," sneered the cognitive robot version of Sugimura.

Skull snorted. Yeah, good luck with that, creep.

"We should help her!" Mona cried, "her Persona hasn't fully awakened yet!"

"Don't worry," Oracle interjected, "Watch."

"I will play with you until I get bored!" The robot raised its arm and was prepared to slam Okumura-senpai into the ground.

"Senpai!" Joker shouted, uncharacteristically and visibly worried.

The robot was blocked by a dainty hand carrying a large fan.

"What's this?!" Sugimura tried to apply more weight but the giant ballgown holding the fan raised another hand and slapped the robot with its other fan.

"You little-" It got slapped even harder which stunned it into backing away.

"I see you made up your mind, my princess," the ballgown said haughtily at the girl at her feet groaning in sudden pain. "Will you step up and make your own betrayals?"

"You...you know my answer," Haru Okumura gasped as she struggled to stand.

"Very well then. Let me reveal my true power."

"Go! Milady!"

Milady's skirt opened up to reveal cannons and guns. Very large cannons and guns.

"Oh geez!" Skull backed up away a step, very reluctant to admit that he felt intimidated.

Joker's senpai is scary.

-Goro-

"Don't worry," said Akechi as the Ose approached with swords drawn and ready, "I'll be fine."

With an elegant spin (where did the rose petals come from?), he ripped off his mask and revealed his equally princely Persona. Akechi seemed to sparkle as he shouted "Take them down, Robin Hood!"

Skull felt even less impressed.

* * *

To be honest, I made this chapter for the Mad Max joke. Futaba's section was also supposed to be shorter but then Yusuke had to butt in.

I, uh, suggest you don't look up _Dream of the Fisherman's Wife_ in public because yeah its NSFW.


	7. The Perils of Summer (and Girls)

And here we have a longass summer chapter. Somehow Ryuji became the focus character again.

No warnings for this chapter unless you count me feeling out the ~fanservice~

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 7 - The Perils of Summer (and Girls)

* * *

At first, Ryuji felt okay about being outnumbered by three girls. At least, he's not alone. There's Yusuke and Morgana.

Who...he has nothing in common with besides 'outcasts,' 'owning a dick,' and 'fellow Phantom Thieves.'

But, like, Yusuke is an artist but also kinda weird at times but Ryuji couldn't blame him if he had Madarame as a father figure who only wanted him to live and breathe Art all the freaking time. But surely there were girls who were also 'students' of Madarame Yusuke had studied with because surely even Yusuke can't be this oblivious.

But then again, the other day, a dude was hitting on him and Yusuke thought he was trying to ask if he wanted some bean sprouts to snack on.

So in conclusion, there's a possibility that if you feed Yusuke enough bean sprouts, he'll split into two Yusukes like meiosis or something like that.

Meanwhile, Morgana is a cat and Ryuji was beginning to wonder if he was ever human to begin with. Like, what if he was something from the Metaverse and only wants to be human out of jealousy over thumbs?

Ryuji would never say those doubts aloud. Besides, Morgana is an ally in their quest to survive Akira's weird obsession with magical girls and he doesn't want to deal with that alone. She's been taken to calling him 'Saka-chan' lately and he has no freaking idea why. He's kind of afraid to ask. And worse: _people are noticing_.

At least Ann and Makoto still call him 'Ryuji.' But if Makoto starts something, he'd rather endure it than piss her off and get run over by Johanna.

Anyway, Akira, Ann, and Makoto are girls with distinct personalities and interests and are most likely to rip off his balls if he tries anything. He respects that.

But never again will he accompany any of them on a weekend shopping spree. Wandering around carrying heavy ass bags for several hours made his arms go numb after awhile and he spent the next few days taking it easy on his bad leg.

Which is why the next time he was invited, he came up with an excuse on the spot that the Track Team wanted him back in but first he has to endure several days of 'initiation' and golly look at the time he has to go do that now bye.

Mishima texted him a few minutes later all excited that holy shit girls want to hang out with him and are bringing him to Harujuku this afternoon isn't this awesome Sakamoto?

'Good speed' he texted back.

'Huh?'

'You're going to need it dude.'

'You're just jealous.'

At that, Ryuji laughed. Well, he warned him.

After dinner, he got a text from Mishima again.

'omg at least coach nvr punished us w this'

And then: 'wen do arms wrk agn'

...Yeah, he's not wishing that on his worse enemy. Unless its Akechi. Akechi looks like he barely works out anyway. It would be hilarious.

* * *

Eventually it became July and the most common topic the students were focused on was weekend events.

Apparently there was going to be a fireworks display in Shibuya on Saturday nights. Well, alright. That's something to do with friends.

He spotted Ann and Makoto talking and overheard the words 'dressed up,' 'yukata' and 'weather forecast' and wondered if this meant that if they see him, they'll drag him into Harujuku hell again.

Mishima seemed to have the same idea because he turned around and went back down the stairs the moment he spotted them.

Ann noticed Ryuji's standing around nearby and waved him over, "Hey! Are you looking forward to one of the fireworks shows? I'm thinking of going to the one after exams."

"I guess?" said Ryuji when he got close enough to them.

"The weather will be holding up by then so Makoto and I were planning to go in yukata."

"Is Akira goin'?"

Ann shrugs, "I saw her but she was talking to a third year girl. I think she's going to go with her."

"Oh, that must be Haru Okumura," said Makoto, "I've seen them hanging out together. Okumura-san has been teaching her French and in return, Akira helps out at the Garden Club whenever she can."

"We have a garden club?" asks Ann.

"Why French?" asks Ryuji, sensing Captain Kidd's displeasure. Man, can't he just chill out with the France vs England thing? Aren't they allies now?

"Akira said something about wanting to know what Arsene is saying," said Ann, "which, yeah, does make sense considering some of his taunts tends to make some Shadows harder to negotiate with."

"Johanna only speaks Japanese to me," added Makoto.

"Yeah, so does Kidd."

"Carmen sometimes talks to me in English which is great for practice," said Ann before she seemed to realize something.

"Hey, wait, doesn't Okumura sound familiar?" she asks.

"Kind of?" replied Ryuji.

"Haru Okumura is the heiress to Okumura Foods," said Makoto.

"Wait. Does this mean Akira has a sugar daddy?"

-July 18, 20XX-

It was one of the fireworks nights and Ryuji was waiting in Shibuya station with Yusuke for the girls. For some reason, Akira handed him a tote bag containing Morgana earlier that day so he decided to bring the cat with him.

Ryuji opted to go in casual clothes because he didn't own any traditional Japanese clothing. Yusuke, however, came in a yukata. Which, yeah, Ryuji expected that. Madarame had to keep up appearances as a Humble Elderly Japanese Artist Who Practices Old Traditions so he went around everywhere in a nice but cheap kimono. So it wouldn't surprise Ryuji that his students had similar clothes and probably also know how to do the tea ceremony thing or whatever.

"Ugh, it's so hot," Ryuji complained.

"I feel like I'm being baked," added Morgana. Concerned, Ryuji pulled the zipper back some more to let more air in to the bag.

Much to Ryuji and Morgana's not-surprise, a couple of girls approach Yusuke, ask him out, and get rebuffed in the form of Yusuke more concerned about how sloppily they hold themselves in a kimono. Bean sprout meiosis theory wins again.

"We're here!" yelled Ann as she and Makoto approach the boys. In the corner of Ryuji's eye, he can see Yusuke nod in approval...because they're doing it right? How do you wear a yukata right?

And then Akira arrives.

Holy shit.

That blue patterned yukata and its matching straw parasol look expensive.

And...and her hair! He's seen how long it is after that time it randomly started storming during gym class and somehow a few of the pins holding her bun in place gave way and that caused the rest to lose their grip. A very long braid tumbled out and everyone stared as they all realized the braid ended at mid-thigh.

It turns out that her secret was going to bed early and waking up at five am and apparently the neighborhood bathhouse is open at all hours. Even if that's true, it looks like a great pain in the ass to deal with every day.

Today, it appears Haru the Not Sugar Daddy (or was it Sugar Mama?) had taken Akira to some fancy salon that used something to make her hair shinier than usual and left it in a high unbraided pony tail.

Seeing it unbraided just seemed to make the ridiculousness of all that hair more of a reality.

While Ryuji was busy staring like an idiot, Yusuke entered his Art Zone and no one knew what he was saying for a good ten minutes.

It rained right after the fireworks show that night. The group took shelter under an awning because no one was sure if Akira's umbrella was truly made to stand up to water.

Ryuji tried very hard to pretend he wasn't noticing Ann's attempt at drying her yukata but Morgana's staring gave them away. Yeah, if Morgana didn't make that noise that kind of sounded like 'mrooooowowow,' Ryuji figured he could've had at least a minute of discretely watching as the rain poured down Ann's pale legs as she futilely tried to squeeze water out...Until like Makoto or Akira noticed and he dies from a knuckle dusters punch in the balls or stabbed by the umbrella.

Being friends with girls is hard when you're a guy.

A dark town car pulled up in front of the group and one of the windows facing them pulled down to reveal a girl with short curly hair wearing a pink yukata.

"Akira-chan," she said to Akira, "would you like a dry ride home?"

"Thank you, senpai," Akira smiled as the driver stepped out and opened the passenger door for her. So this is Haru Okumura. She seems nice.

Okumura looks up at the other teens under the awning, "do you need rides home too?"

"Um," said Ann, surprised by her generosity.

"Please say yes," whispered Morgana in the tote bag.

"That would be great, thank you!" said Makoto, taking a cue from Morgana.

They all piled in and the car drove off as they all apologized for being soaking wet in such a nice car.

"How did you two meet?" asked Makoto after Yusuke was dropped off by the Kosei dorms.

"Oh, we met in the bookstore," said Haru, "I've never thought I'd meet a Card Keeper Bakura fan around the same age as me!"

Oh great. _Another one_.

...Wait. Maybe this means he'll be spared from watching another session of that Love Angel Something Something Momo...something. Why can't Akira watch something that has titles that are two words long?

-July 25-

Holy fucking shit, he knew deserts were hot but it seemed even hotter in the Metaverse.

Mona has been driving for what felt like hours. All Skull could see from the windows was sand. Just...endless sand.

On his left, Joker was mumbling in French as she slouched in her seat while covered in sweat that was dripping down her neck. Her school uniform was drenched enough to see that she was wearing a tank top underneath which wasn't spared by the heat.

He can see one particular bead of sweat taking its sweet time descending into her collar bone.

It was kind of distracting.

Realizing he was staring, Skull shifted his gaze to the right where Fox was sitting. He seemed to be staring into space. And muttering.

"Magnificent," he managed to catch. And that's when Skull realized that Fox was staring at Queen's back.

Her incredibly sweaty back.

Oh fuck. If he was caught staring, Queen would kill him.

So Skull just looked at his own hands for ten minutes and listened as Queen and Panther complained about the heat and lack of decent AC as he pondered if maybe Fox doesn't require meiosis after all.

He heard Joker shift in her seat and he looked up to see her watching Panther doing something with her arm before Joker decided it was too hot to be concerned and so she slumped back.

Skull's curiosity took over. What is Panther doing? He leaned over her seat and - HOLY SHIT ITS A BRA.

IT'S PINK.

HER BOOBS. ARE SWEATY.

HOLY FUCK.

OH SHIT SHE'S LOOKING AT HIM AND SHE'S PISSED.

Fox, Skull, and Joker yelped as the back of their seats suddenly went backwards and they all fell back.

A tiny part of the Lizard Brain section of Skull's mind said 'worth it.'

-August 8-

The less said about the Lolita Incident, the better.

-August 29-

Japan was saved. Medjed was defeated. Futaba is slowly getting used to the fact that the outside world is a thing again.

At first they made a plan of what they thought was a reasonable progression of exposure therapy but then Sojiro put his foot down and told them all to slow down and that not is how therapy works. Futaba was still determined to get better but now it was up to her what she wanted to do on her own terms.

And that was when they all realized that they haven't been to the beach all summer. Akira was surprised because it didn't occur to her that there would be beaches near Tokyo or at least within driving distance.

Futaba decided that she wanted to go. This triggered Sojiro's Dad Mode and he declared that he might as well go as chaperone 'because who knows what you kids would get up to without an adult around.'

All three older girls decided to take Futaba swim suit shopping and that they'll reveal it when they go to the beach on Saturday.

Saturday arrives and Makoto rented a van that could fit six teenagers, the sole adult, a cat (to Sojiro's bewilderment because why not leave it at his house?), and all the beach stuff you could possibly need.

It didn't take long for the boys to change so they sat in a table and waited. Sojiro was wearing a body suit that had short sleeves and shorts that just made him look even older than he actually was. He also had the air of not giving a shit about it and Ryuji respected that. Yusuke didn't seem to find it pleasing to his artistic sensibilities but even he knew when not to complain about it. Then again, the guy was wearing a hoodie at the beach. Where it's hot.

Morgana sat under the table feeling displeased about all the sand getting into his fur.

"So," Sojiro began with a parental tone in his voice. Dread pooled in Ryuji's stomach. Oh god no.

Yusuke looked up and cocked his head attentively. Even he knew that tone.

"We're not dating your daughter!" yelped Ryuji.

"Which one?" smirked Sojiro.

"I was not aware that you consider Akira as a daughter," said Yusuke while Ryuji internally panicked.

"I'm her guardian for the year. So as my ward, she's my responsibility and therefore technically my daughter," Sojiro was still smirking.

"I was your age once," he said. Ryuji cringed. He was giving them The Talk. In public. Why can't the girls just finish getting ready now?

"When it came to girls...hoo boy."

Sojiro was oversharing his time as a ladies man a bajillion years ago and giving out possibly outdated advice. Why can't the ground just open up and swallow Ryuji now?

...Actually, some of his advice sounds rather reasonable. Maybe he could try that later.

"Anyway," Sojiro finished, "if either of you hurt Akira or Futaba-"

"You'd kill us?" guessed Ryuji.

"I was going to say Akira is most likely going to do it and Futaba would assist her by burning your body into ashes."

"That's indeed what could happen," Yusuke agreed.

"And perhaps Morgana would use your ashes as litter."

"That's just harsh, man," groaned Ryuji.

Under the table, Morgana snickered and swiftly moved to under Sojiro's seat to avoid retaliation.

"Sorry for the wait," called Ann at last. Oh thank god.

Ann and Makoto were the first to emerge from the changing booths. Sojiro eyed Ann's barely there floral string bikini with disapproval. Makoto meanwhile wore a more modest white bikini that included a short ruffled skirt. Both of them gleamed in the sunlight as a result of applying much sunscreen. And wow, all that fighting in the Metaverse kept them in shape.

Ryuji and Yusuke got up to greet them. Or rather, Yusuke nodded in approval and Ryuji made a silly face and grabby hands. Ann laughed and got him into a headlock so she could noogie him.

And then Akira came out. Her swim wear consisted a dark blue halter top and a long light blue skirt that covered her thighs and the matching swim shorts that came with her top. Her hair was left in its braid which was shortened to rest between her shoulder blades during the Incident a couple of weeks back. She was wearing a pair of sunglasses that was more flattering than her usual choice of eyewear.

"The contrast of your skin tone and your outfit looks marvelous," said Yusuke to Akira.

"What he said," said Ryuji between noogies.

Akira smiled, "Thanks." She looked back at the entrance to the changing station and yelled, "Futaba! Are you ready?"

"Y-yeah," came a flustered answer.

A pair of sandaled feet appeared below the wooden fence wall that blocked the direct view to the changing station entrance. Hesitantly, a leg emerged from the wall before all of Futaba appeared. She had on a yellow tankini that had a scattering of red spots.

...Her head was covered up in a towel.

"This is perfect!" she said, muffled by the towel. Akira sighed and removed the towel.

Futaba's long orange hair cascaded down her back. Dang.

"Welcome to the beach," called Sojiro from his spot at the table.

"Sojiroooo! How do I look?" said Futaba as she ran up to him.

"You look nice," replied Sojiro, smiling.

They found a spot on the beach to claim and laid out some towels and beach chairs. Ryuji and Sojiro fetched lunch.

After lunch as Sojiro went to find a trash can, Ryuji suggested, "Hey, who wants to do beach volleyball?"

Makoto shook her head, "Sorry, we rented a banana boat and it only fits three. Ann, Futaba, and I will be going now. Watch our stuff!"

Ryuji turned to look at Akira only to find she was curled up in her chair and engrossed in a book titled the 'The Violet King.'

"Man, it sucks that the girls don't take us seriously. I mean, they don't get how amazin' we are. We risk our lives being the Phantom Thieves. There's no way other guys can measure up to us! Shouldn't we have good times in reality too?" Ryuji complained.

"When you put it that way," said Yusuke, "you may be right."

"Ann and the others don't get it because they're always around us. What we need to do is go steal some girls' hearts!"

"I see," said Morgana, "what we should be doing is putting our skills to the test."

"I'm sure all the girls would be all over us with the vibes we give off! And Boss gave us some tips so there's no way to mess up!" cheered Ryuji.

"Alright," Yusuke stood up, determined, "then let's go."

"You have fun with that," said Akira as the boys walked away.

Ryuji paused and looked back, "Morgana, watch our stuff."

"Wait what?" yelped Morgana, "Don't leave me here! I'm a Phantom Thief too! Let me test my skills! I could steal more hearts than both of you combined - they're not coming back for me, aren't they?"

"Nope," replied Akira, not looking up from her book.

Morgana sighed and curled up on the cooler he was sitting on.

A moment later, Sojiro returned.

"Where is everyone?" he asked.

"The girls are banana boating and the guys are off being overconfident with their skills in attracting women who are most likely out of their league. It's probably hilarious."

-Forty Minutes Later-

After some attempts, Ryuji was feeling discouraged.

"Perhaps...we overestimated ourselves," sighed Yusuke.

"Yeah, this was a bust. Maybe we should head ba-" Ryuji turned and Yusuke was gone. Huh. Guess he threw in the towel already.

He went back to the spot he and his friends claimed where a couple of older guys were rebuffed by the girls, Morgana's hissing and Sojiro's death glare. He's...not going to ask.

Yusuke reappeared an hour before the group called it a day with a pair of lobsters in his hands. This distracted Futaba from pondering the circumstances before and after her mother's death. It resulted in a game of keep away as Futaba attempted to get a closer look at the lobsters but Yusuke used his height against her.

He was very entranced by them and no one wanted to separate the artist from the lobsters so they prepared a cooler with sea water and stuffed them in there.

As Sojiro handed Yusuke enough money for his train ride back to the dorms that night, he eyed the cooler.

"Are you sure you want to keep them?" he asked.

"Of course! They are most aesthetically pleasing! I'm sure it wont be hard to take care of them," said Yusuke as he nonchalantly played keep away with Futaba who wanted to take a peak into the cooler.

Sojiro made a mental note to buy the kid a proper tank and some fish food or whatever it is lobsters eat.

"Hey, you look really tan!" he overheard a young muscular man say to Ryuji.

"Um...thanks?" The man gave him a thumbs up.

"You're welcome, bro! Welp, bye!" He bounded down a staircase to a train line that was headed for Odaiba.

"What the eff just happened?" asked Ryuji after a moment passed.

"Some hot guy hitting on you," said Akira before shrugging, "at least it wasn't those two creeps from Shinjuku."

"And what were you doing in Shinjuku?" asked Sojiro her in a Dad tone.

"We took the wrong train to Akihabara," excused Akira. "They really need to make the signs in the stations more noticeable."

"Alright," Sojiro nodded, "just be careful next time."

* * *

HOLY CRAP THAT WAS LONG. Like, 3600ish words and ten pages long.

One of the things that bothered me after Futaba's recovery post-Palace was that it was like they were going way too fast for her and that they need to slow down because she can't be 70% better by the end of the week. Exposure Therapy can take months to do.

And like, if I was Futaba, I would be very uncomfortable in that bikini because when you're operating on maximum shyness and anxiety, would you want to expose that much skin to the world (and the sun)? So for the sake of her self-confidence, I gave her a tankini which is like a two piece swim suit where the top half is like a tank top. Girl is pale enough from lack of sun as it is, let's not give her a full body sunburn.

Also not sure why Sojiro was added in to the beach scene. I guess he was tired of being ignored by me whoops.

Akira's swim wear and yukata are blue because I noticed that canon!Akira's swim shorts at the beach scene were a dark blue (and I think there was some red stripes at the waist band area. I guess?). So yeah, let's go with that.

The fireworks scene was going to be shorter but then Haru showed up and decided to introduce herself to the team.

The Lolita Incident may be given a chapter. Eventually.

'The Violet King' is a reference to the novel 'The Purple Emperor' from the Faerie Wars Chronicles. I read it back in senior year of high school and proceeded to fail to keep up with the series. orz

And yeah, I'm aware it's supposed to be mitosis. Ryuji will figure it out someday.

(Bean sprout theory: 2; Reality: 3)


	8. Watashi nicht hablo français godt

In which Akira attempts to solve the 'why is my Persona speaking a language I don't understand' problem.

French provided by Google Translate...which means this is probably not accurate French.

Minor post-Casino palace spoilers are in this chapter. But technically, they aren't really spoiler-y when the scenes in question happen in the first half hour of P5. *shrugs*

WARNINGS for: Police brutality, non-consensual drugging, hypothetical rape implications (as in somebody was thinking about it after the fact but no actual sexual assault occurs).

November is such a cheerful month.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 8 -Watashi nicht hablo français godt

* * *

-Mid June-

"Haru-senpai, do you know French?" Akira unexpectedly asks one day.

Haru-senpai blinks and stares at the younger girl, "Oui, mademoiselle. Yes, I do. Why do you ask? Did you want to learn French?"

"Yes," confirms Akira, "I thought it would be fun learning it."

'And not because I'm tired of not being able to understand Arsene when he decides to taunt powerful Shadows in French,' she thinks.

Haru-senpai smiles and claps her hands, "Alright, then. Let's get started!"

-Late June-

"B-bonjour. Co...¿Cómo estás?"

"That was Spanish, Akira-chan. Say 'comment allez-vous?'"

-Mid-July-

"Je...suis...um...le chat?"

"You're the cat?" Haru-senpai glances at the cat in the bag who was observing the lesson.

"Oh my," she gasps, "did something happen? Did you two somehow switch bodies?"

"...What?" Both Akira and Morgana stared at her in confusion.

"If you meant 'a cat,' it's 'un chat.' Let's avoid more misunderstandings, shall we?" Haru-senpai giggles.

-Late July-

"[Now], partez avant que [I] vous insulte une seconde fois," says Arsene before he wipes out a shadow with an Eiga.

'Well', Joker decided, 'I guess that's progress.'

-Mid-August-

"Oh my god, Arsene, why did you have to insult that Thoth's mother?" Joker bemoans one day in Futaba's palace.

"Wait, is that what he said?" Panther stares at her in confusion, "I thought he was taunting Skull's Persona again."

-Two days before the Hawaii trip-

"Man, it's a damn good thing Ann knows English," says Ryuji.

"Akira knows it too," Mishima points out, "she's being tutored for it."

Akira shakes her head, "Nah, my senpai is teaching me French. Unless we land in Canada, I'm not really that helpful."

-On the plane-

"'Le Petit Prince'? Is that English?" asks the girl sitting next to Akira as she peered over Akira's shoulder to see what she was reading.

"No, it's French," Akira replied as she turned a page.

"...I thought people in America speak English?" The girl was confused now.

"They do. I just wanted to learn French."

"Oh...okay..."

She didn't speak to her again for the rest of the plane ride, which Akira reluctantly accepted because she had several books in her carry on.

-October-

"Votre mère était un hamster et votre père sent comme des baies de sureau." says Joker before finishing off the shadow with her pistol. Within her, Arsene chuckles in approval.

"Your French has improved greatly!" Noir exclaims, "Soon there will be nothing left to teach you."

"Wait," says Panther, "I think I just heard 'hamster.' I thought that was English in origin!"

"English borrows a lot of words from other languages," Queen announces.

"Keeping up with foreign languages sounds hard," says Mona as Panther wails in frustration.

-November 19th-

"Vous devez être très fier de vous-même," Akira grits out.

She gets a punch to the face in response. "If you're going to backtalk, say it in Japanese, you little shit."

"Vissez-vous et le cheval sur lequel vous avez roulé, vous corrompez le mouton," was the stubborn reply.

The interrogator sighs, "Get the sedatives, maybe she'll be more cooperative."

To everyone's frustrations, it made the foreign babbling increase.

-November 20th-

"Sign this," says the man who hands over the shivering and soaking wet girl a clipboard that has a confession statement.

She bats it away and is rewarded with a stomp to the leg. She barely holds in her scream.

"If you want to walk out of here with two working legs, I suggest you sign."

The signature they receive says 'Je-suis Lupin.'

The man slaps her face much harder this time.

"Well, I guess we'll just leave you here in the dark for a few days."

-Later that day-

"We can't just let you in to see her. Who knows what she's capable of," says the detective who ignores a fellow colleague muttering 'I thought that was a guy?'

"I think I can handle it," Sae replies.

"Alright but if she starts speaking in French again, you can stop interrogating her until she cooperates."

"Is that a joke, detective?"

"No it's not, prosecutor. Just wanted to warn you if she does it again, that's all."

Sae enters the interrogation room and spots the suspect. It's a teenager with short messy hair who is dressed in a male school uniform. If Sae didn't know any better, she would've thought the suspect was a boy with a 'bishonen' look to him. But since she was told the teen was female, it was hard to see her as anything but a young woman. The only explanation for the hair and uniform Sae could theorize about was that the Phantom Thieves knew she would be caught and hoped that she would escape with less severe...consequences if treated as male. The thought of it made Sae's stomach curdle.

The suspect woozily sits in her chair, swollen eyes struggling to focus on the latest visitor. She is covered in bruises and cuts. Her wrists bore red marks that tell of one struggling against handcuffs. Her uniform's turtleneck is stained with dried blood.

What did they do to her?

Sae spots the discarded needle on the floor nearby. Of course.

"Those bastards," she mutters before looking back at the girl, "Hey can you hear me?"

"...Oui..." came a meek reply.

"I only have an hour to get your complete testimony. So please, don't waste our time with French."

"...I understand."

* * *

-OMAKE-

"Sorry, everyone, but due to freak weather patterns, we're being redirected to the Canadian province of Quebec," the pilot announced.

Akira looks up from the manga volume she was reading.

Her time has come.

* * *

I'm...not sure if I should up the rating for the interrogation scenes. :O

Translations:

Watashi nicht hablo français godt = I don't speak French well (in a mishmash of Japanese, German, Spanish, French, and Norwegian)

¿Cómo estás? and Comment allez-vous? = How are you? in Spanish and French respectively

Je suis le chat / Je suis un chat = I am the cat / I am a cat

Maintenant, partez avant que je vous insulte une seconde foi = Now go away before I taunt you a second time

Votre mère était un hamster et votre père sent comme des baies de sureau = Your mother was a hamster and your father smells like elderberries

Vous devez être très fier de vous-même = You must be very proud of yourself

Vissez-vous et le cheval sur lequel vous avez roulé, vous corrompez le mouton = Screw you and the horse you rode in on, you corrupt sheep

Oui = yes

Mademoiselle = an unmarried woman/young woman/maiden.


	9. A Discussion of Genres

A couple of people pointed out some mistakes made in the French parts of the previous chapter. I know I said I was aware that it was going to be inaccurate but in hindsight, I should've asked around for somebody to beta read before posting.

So uh, from now on, if I am going to extensively add a foreign language to one of my stories beyond well-known phrases, I'm going to ask for someone to beta read first.

...Or I could cheap out and [do this when somebody speaks a foreign language] instead.

If any of you spotted the Monty Python references last chapter, congrats and do not fear for it's less likely that I'll find a situation that requires another quote spam.

Anyway, here's an outsider POV chapter.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 9 - A Discussion of Genres

* * *

"Hey Hiroto," blurted a Shujin boy during lunch, "do you ever wonder if we're in an anime?"

Hiroto, who was sitting next to him as they leaned against the hallway window, calmly placed his chopsticks back on his bento and replied, "why the hell would I want to do that?"

"Because sometimes it feels like we are, man."

Hiroto takes a deep breath and sighs. Man, Takuya has some weird ass thoughts sometimes.

"If we are in an anime, hypothetically," said Hiroto, "then what kind of anime is it?"

"We have a volleyball team so sports anime?" Takuya suggested.

"Isn't the team suspended for now though?" asked Hiroto, frowning as he recalled the Incident in early May. "But I hear that the track team is getting back together."

"They are? Huh. Good for them."

Hiroto ponders for a moment before saying, "well, the Phantom Thieves are a thing so maybe we're just extras in some crime show."

"Yeah, man, it feels as though we're in a knock off of Folders of Death." said Takuya between bites of melon bread.

The transfer student, Akira Kurusu, and Ryuji Sakamoto, resident delinquent, pass by them.

Takuya glances at them, "maybe we're in the weirdest romantic comedy starring those two as the protagonists."

"They wont last, Takuya. Kurusu is too serious and proper despite her criminal record and Sakamoto is loudly emotional."

Takuya shakes his head, "yeah but they're both delinquents."

"That just means they cancel each other out."

And then they hear Kurusu call Sakamoto 'Saka-chan' in a sing-song kind of voice.

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Sakamoto whines.

"Nope!"

"Wow, he's whipped," Takuya comments.

"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" shouts Hiroto without shame.

Sakamoto makes a 'geh!' noise and Kurusu raises an eyebrow. Before he could retaliate, the lunch bell rings to signal the end of lunch.

* * *

After school, Hiroto approaches Takuya and says "I've been thinking,"

"Did it hurt?"

"No, you asshole. Doesn't Kurusu only seem serious looking when she could be really one of those girls who show up one day and proceeds to change everybody's lives for the better despite being really fucking weird? I mean, she brings her cat to school every day and like, nobody even really talks about it."

"Isn't there a name for that?"

"If there is, I forget what it's called."

Takuya watches Takamaki and Niijima-senpai walk by chatting about something. Niijima-senpai looked less stressed out than usual. When did that happen?

Come to think of it, he's seen the two of them hanging out with Kurusu as well...

"Y'know, you may be on to something..."

Later that night, Hiroto recieves a text. Blearily, he checks his phone.

Takuya: Dude what if we're in anime that's similar to Softener but with the Phantom Thieves instead of Shinigami?

Takuya: Like what if their activities are happening in an alternate reality only they can see and their targets are actually being controlled by monsters or something?

Hiroto stares at the text. He looks at the clock. It's 2 AM and thus too early for this.

Hiroto: Dude wtf g2 sleep.

* * *

-Several months later-

"Dude, what if Sakamoto is building a harem?" asks Takuya one day in the park.

"What the fuck makes you think like that?" says Hiroto between sips of 1Up.

"That," Takuya points to what he's seeing. In the distance is Sakamoto surrounded by girls. Hiroto can recognize them as Kurusu, Takamaki, Niijima-senpai, and Okumura-senpai. The short red head he hasn't seen before but wow she's cute. Also with them is some dude. Woah.

"What the hell, man," Hiroto whines, "what do they even see in him?"

"Who is even that other guy?" asks Takuya.

"Dunno. Looks like he's from other school," comments the other boy.

Takuya stares at the distant group for awhile before theorizing: "...What if they're all part of that guy's harem instead?"

* * *

I'm personally going to go with 'supernatural comedy drama' but even that feels inaccurate. Let's go with 'Atlus JRPG.'

And now for a question: I have written a bunch of short one shots (twelve at last count) that are like in the 300-500 word count range. I've thinking of consolidating them together into a couple of collection chapters.

However, my drive and inspiration has been winding down lately and the ideas I want to write 1000+ words for are taking longer to finish thanks to writer's block. D:

So my choices are:

1\. Just go ahead and post the 'super collection' chapters and take my time finishing something but there wont be updates to this story for a while

2\. Post a chapter once a week that contains two or three one-shots put together

3\. Continue my current schedule (Mondays and Thursdays) and just post the short one-shots individually

Eh, what do you guys think?


	10. Into the Labyrinth (NON CANON)

HEY GUYS ARE YOU UP FOR 3,700ish WORDS OF PERSONA Q CROSSOVER AU SHENANIGANS AND SOME BEAR PUNS?

This chapter exists because I remembered that I hadn't played that game in a while, started a new save file, and got plot bunnies in the process.

And while writing it, I came to the realization that keeping track of three groups of Persona Users, Marie, three Velvet Room attendants, and Zen and Rei was a ridiculously tough task. So not everybody gets a line. And for my sanity's sake, I limited this chapter to where I am at in PQ at the moment.

There's a couple of scenes that spawned this horror. You'll know when you see them.

Also, this chapter is **NOT CANON** to this fic as a whole. There may be chapters like this in the future, just a heads up.

SPOILER WARNING for: Persona Q (minor and up to the first two dungeons) and Persona 5 (hints of late/post game spoilers)

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 10 - Into the Labyrinth (NON CANON)

* * *

 _-"Are you sitting comfortably? Good. Let me tell you of a story that most definitely happened. It all started in late October..."-_

-October 25, 20XX-

Shujin Academy's school festival seemed decent enough. Akira was enjoying the day as she hung out with friends as much as she could before Akechi came for the Q&A event tomorrow.

He showed up early anyway to 'feel things out,' whatever that meant.

Unless it meant eating the red takoyaki ball and running away afterwards as his mouth burned from eating something so spicy. Then he succeeded that task spectacularly.

Five minutes after his departure, Ann yelps and almost falls out of her chair trying to get away from the feeling of a spider crawling her leg. Her friends looked around but the spider wasn't found.

The Phantom Thieves were about to pack up and leave the cafe display when a woman with yellow eyes, white hair, and a velvet blue mini dress approached them.

"Ah," she giggled, "I thought I would find a Wild Card and their fellow Persona users here."

The teens froze before shifting into guarded positions.

"Who are you?" asked Makoto.

"I am Elizabeth," said the woman before she focused her stare on Akira, "a resident of the Velvet Room."

"What's that?" asked Ann, noticing Akira's startled twitch.

"It's where I get my new Personas from," Akira replied, "But Justine and Caroline have never mentioned you before."

Something flashed in Elizabeth's eyes for a second before she sighed airily, "When I last saw them, they were just created by our Master. I haven't been dropping by as much as I should lately. My littlest sisters have very little memory of me I'm afraid."

"Why are you here instead of there?" asked Haru.

"I never got to experience a school festival before! My last guest's school had to cancel theirs due to a typhoon. Such a shame that he never got the chance to show me around," she cheerfully shook her head and shrugged in a 'what can you do?' manner. "Since my baby sisters must be starting out, they would be reluctant to be a long distance away from the Velvet Room. So for today, Wild Card, I'll be your Attendant!"

"Um, sure," said Akira, "What would you like to do first?"

"Oooh! So polite!" cheered Elizabeth, "Well -"

A clock tower's bell rung in the distance.

Makoto frowned, "That's odd."

"How so?" said Yusuke.

"This school doesn't have a clock tower. And there isn't any nearby."

"Ah," Elizabeth seemed to smile wider, "it's happening in this timeline as well, I see."

Everyone stared at her.

"Wait, what?" Akira said at last.

"This is seriously getting effin' creepy," said Ryuji.

Elizabeth ignored the rise in scared chatter and raised her arm over her head, "okay, everyone! I brought a piece of the Velvet Room with me. It's just a few rooms behind you! Follow me~!" She turned and walked away to her destination, humming.

"Should we follow her?" asked Haru.

"And, what, die in the crazy lady's hands?" Ryuji argued.

Morgana, who had been silent the whole time, speaks up, "She...feels familiar. I can't explain it but she does."

"Hey, Leader," said Futaba, "what do you think?"

"It kind of feels like she isn't lying," Akira pondered. "Maybe we should risk it."

The bell rung. It was more ominous this time.

"Definitely should risk it," Ann decided.

"Morgana is already armed, he can protect us!" added Futaba.

"How?" the cat sputtered as the teens rushed after Elizabeth.

They entered the classroom Elizabeth stepped in. For a moment, there was nothing until Akira stepped ahead of the group. There was a flash and when everything settled, the Thieves found themselves in the center of a circular room. The walls were lined with jail cells. The one marked with the number 0 was open and gave Akira an air of familiarity.

The Thieves were standing on the edge of a very large blue rug adorned with a golden V. Sitting on the rug was a desk that had the name plate 'Warden' resting on it.

If they turned left, they could see the very large pair of guillotines.

Joker looked down and said, "Huh. I'm not in the prisoner outfit this time."

Instead, the group were in their Metaverse gear.

"Where are we?" Queen asked.

"This is the Velvet Room. It sits between dream and reality, mind and matter," said Elizabeth as she sat down in the Warden's chair.

"Why a prison?" asked Fox as he admired the room's aesthetics.

"It's a reflection of the current guest's heart. The guest may feel as though she's a prisoner of not just the law, but of many things."

The temporary Velvet Room shook.

"As much as I want to worry about our Leader's brain space," yelled Oracle as the shaking became more intense, "but I think we need to hold on to something!"

The bell loudly rang once more and everything went dark.

When they came to, the Velvet Room was unrecognizable. Instead of the prison, it was a blue platform in a blue void full of gears. On the platform was a broken stair case, a blue velvet sofa, a table with a blue velvet cloth covering, and three sets of doors chained together with four locks.

"Is everyone okay?" queried Joker as she sat up. She was answered by a chorus of 'yeah's as her team got up as well.

"My, what a mess," tsks Elizabeth. She seemed oddly unbothered by this turn of events.

"The prison was more aesthetically pleasing," muttered Fox.

Panther and Skull examined the doors. Each of them had a colored light glowing on the top of them. The one with the red light felt...familiar.

Panther tries to open the red door, "It wont open!"

Skull tests it as well, "Shit, it's like its sealed or somethin'."

"Well, there are locks and chains all over them," Mona pointed out as he rolled his eyes.

Joker reaches into one of her coat pockets to reveal a lock pick and inserts it into a lock. After several minutes, she pulls out a broken pick.

"This is going to be harder than we thought," she deadpanned.

"Come quick, everyone!" yelled Noir from the Velvet Room's entrance. Queen, who was the closest, looked out and gasped. The rest hurried to the door, curious.

One by one they all stepped out and stared at the scene before them.

It looked like they still were in Shujin but some of the booths immediately nearby were unfamiliar. The cafe table set up was replaced with a sign advertising the class's goldfish catching booth.

The most important tell that something wasn't right was that all the students are wearing an unfamiliar uniform.

Skull waved down a boy walking by, "Hey, man, where are we?"

The boy smiled widely as he replied, "Yasogami High's school festival is the best!"

"Okaaay, but what city are we in?" Skull asked again.

"Yasogami High-"

"-Is the best. We get it." Skull rubbed the back of his neck in frustration as the boy continued walking away, unbothered by the interruption.

 _-"You all decided to split up and obtain information. If your navigator hadn't found the Labyrinth entrance, you would've given up in despair...probably."-_

"This exhibit is the most garish I have ever seen," declared Fox as the group traverses the first floor of the Labyrinth.

"Is it just me or does it feel like someone's been here before?" said Panther.

On the second floor, Oracle finally speaks up about the elephant in the room.

"Hey, Joker? Is there a reason why you're only using Arsene?"

Joker fiddles with her gloves nervously, "Well...he's the only one who would answer my call to fight. Everyone else has been silent. It's like-"

"They're not there?" finishes an unknown voice. The Thieves turn around and find themselves facing a group of teens in the same uniforms as the 'NPCs' (as Oracle would put it) outside.

A boy with headphones around his neck crosses his arms, "Yeah, our leader is having that problem too." He points to a girl with gray hair tied in twin braids, a longer uniform skirt, and for some reason, baggy socks as she sulks nearby.

"W-who are you guys and how did you hide yourselves from my scans?" asked Oracle nervously as Necronomicon hovers into view.

"That's my question!" said a girl with red pigtails.

"Ooooh! Are you from a cosplay party?" a multi-colored bear finally catches up to the crowd and seemed to vibrate in excitement as he saw the unfamiliar teens.

"My, what pretty girls~!" he exclaimed, "This is a bearutiful sight!"

"We have guns that use actual bullets and we know how to use them," said Joker in a deadpan.

"Wooooow, that's, like, totally hardcore!" the gray-haired girl seemed more interested in the proceedings as Teddie wisely backed away.

 _-"You all introduced yourselves to each other. You only gave the Inaba group your code names however. You then returned to the Velvet Room where my sister Margaret figured out the issue."-_

"Wait, you mean we all can summon multiple Personas now?" asked Chie, a girl with a green jacket.

"Indeed," Margaret confirmed, "However, besides your 'core' Persona, it appears you are limited to holding onto two extra Personas."

"I call dibs on Jack Frost," someone in the back announces.

Before an argument could break out, a man in a blue suit bursts into the room, "Margaret! Elizabeth! My charge and her friends need help!"

And that's how it was learned that there was a third group of Persona users who were deeper into the Labyrinth.

 _-"You all rushed in to help. Margaret wanted you to all pose and say a few heroic phrases but your team mate Noir 'accidentally' fired a grenade into the crowd of Card Soldiers attacking SEES."-_

"W-who are you?" asked a girl clutching onto her naginata as the dust settled.

Improvising, Joker chuckled and waved a hand, "Behold!" A spotlight shone on SEES' rescuers.

"We are the Phantom Thieves of Hearts," she and her team posed heroically, "And we are here to rescue you and steal hearts."

"And those are...uh..." Joker faltered and turned to the Inaba group, "what's your team's name?"

The best way to describe everyone's reactions was that if this was an anime, the heroic and awesome background music would've cut itself off with a record scratch noise as everyone sweat dropped.

"Is this really the best time?" asked Naoto as she pulled down her cap to cover her face in embarrassment.

"Yeah!" said Teddie, "there's lovely ladies in grizzly danger! We need to beartect them!"

"Prepare yourselves!" shouted an unimpressed Queen as she and the others rushed into battle.

As it turned out, the Queen of Hearts SEES was fighting was guarding a treasure. After Skull pried Mona off the treasure chest, a tall dark haired boy wearing a spiked collar opened it to reveal...a pink rabbit plush toy.

"We came all this way just for that?" complained the SEES member wearing a baseball hat.

"That's, like, sort of, like, a let down," commented the Inaba team's leader, Satomi Seta.

 _-"After more introductions, everyone decided to check out the cultural festival held in the alternate Yasogami High School. Eventually, the three groups started mingling with each other. There was some that got along fine."-_

"Is that a mega beef ramen bowl?" Chie asked excitedly.

"Hell yeah, it is," said Skull before pointing out the stall selling it. Chie wordlessly ran off to get one.

"Oh my gosh," she moaned happily as she took the first bite, "what did they do to the meat? It tastes heavenly."

"I know right?" agreed Skull.

* * *

"What's your leader like?" asked Junpei.

"Serious with a dash of magical girl anime fangirling," said Panther, sounding resigned.

"Apparently Senpai is a 'kogal'?" said Kanji, "She likes shopping but a lot of girls at school do too."

"Don't kogals usually get really tan and put on a lot of make up?" Junpei scratches his goatee.

"Aren't those the extreme cases?" said Panther.

"Whatever it is, everyone besides Naoto has gotten used to her speech pattern by now. You just tune it out after awhile."

"Huh. Ours is just...ordinary," said Junpei.

 _-"And some had trouble getting along at first."-_

"You grew a body?" gaped Mona.

"Yeah!" chirped Teddie as his human form danced in the bear suit shell before resealing it back in, "It was beary tough but I did it!"

"How?!"

"I did sit ups everyday!"

"A-are you kidding me?" yelped Mona as he launched himself into Teddie's face and clung to it as he shouted, "that can't be it! That sounds like a load of crap! Tell me the truth! Tell me everything!"

"Woah! No need to go bearzerk!"

 _-"Eventually, you all decided to start the next labyrinth."-_

"Wow...it's pink," Joker commented.

Skull muttered, "its reminding me of that asshole all over again."

"What did I say about swearing around Ken-kun?" hissed Queen.

A mechanical sounding voice interrupted all discussion, "Welcome, stray lambs. This is the second year class 2's display."

"Is the cake going to be a lie?" said Aigis.

"W-who taught you that?" asked Fuuka.

"Junpei."

"Figures," said Yukari.

"Hello to everyone, to both those I'm meeting for the first time and those I'm not meeting for the first time," continued the voice as it ignored Oracle's "Wow, what an old meme." comment.

"That doesn't even make sense," commented Mona.

"This display uses state-of-the-art technology to find your destined partner with a few simple questions. You can participate if you wish or you might choose not to."

"We don't have a choice but to do it," Yosuke complains.

"More importantly, who should be answering the questions?" asked Fox.

"Perhaps we should leave it up to one of our leaders," said Mitsuru.

The three co-leaders, Minako, Satomi, and Joker, turned and looked at each other.

"Rock-paper-scissors?" suggested Minako.

"Okay!" agreed Satomi as Joker nodded.

It was an intense game but in the end, Joker won.

After much exploring and dodging FOE arrows, the group finds a set of doors that had the figures facing each other.

As soon as everyone entered, the Voice said, "Welcome, stray lambs. This is a Selection Room of Destiny. Here is your first question:"

[Does a difference in age or sex not matter as long as there is love?]  
-It matters  
-It doesn't matter at all!

Noticing that Skull and Panther are cringing, Joker frowned before schooling her face into a blank expression. The Thieves tensed. They know that look. Their leader was about to do something silly.

"Beep boop," said Joker.

"Wait, seriously?" commented Rise.

"What a fascinating answer," said Aigis.

"Well, there she goes," sighed Queen.

The barrier in front of the doors lifted.

"I suppose that was a legitimate answer," pondered Naoto.

Eventually, they found the next set of question doors.

The Voice brought forth the next question:

[What is your idea of a good time?]  
-Doing stuff outdoors  
-Doing stuff indoors

Joker thought long and hard before she smiled.

"Boop Beep."

"What a beary quick answer!"

"Are you going to do this the whole time?" sighed Queen.

"Do it Joker! It would be great!" Oracle egged on.

And so:

"Beep-beep-beep"

"Why did you encourage her?"

"Be-be-beeeeep!"

"Did you just quote the Myth of Hilda?"

"Boop-be-boop."

"I'm surprised these count as answers."

After an awkward group date break, they at last find the last set of doors.

"The preparations for the finale are complete," said the Voice.

"Oh thank god," groaned Yosuke.

"Here is the final question:"

[What is your greatest weapon?]  
-My smile  
-My eyes  
-My conversational skills  
-My pure heart

"Beeeeeeeoooooop."

"Thank you for participating. There is no right answer. Only the path you choose."

"I can't bear the suspense!" yelped Teddie, "Who is it?"

"I am flattered by your answers but unfortunately, I cannot be a legitimate destined partner. However, I do believe I found someone in my stead."

A spot light shone around the group before it stopped on Aigis.

"Me?" she asked.

"Wait, really?" said Yukari.

The lights went off. There was the sound of a trap door opening and the surprised yells of the 'destined couple' that became more and more distant before the trap door closed. The lights went back on. Aigis and Joker were gone.

Meanwhile, the 'destined couple' landed in a field.

"Are you alright, Joker-san?" Aigis queried.

"Yeah," Joker replied as she sat up. Aigis mimicked the movement.

Both got back to standing and looked around.

"So," said Aigis, "This is the world for those chosen as "destined partners." It seems we are the only ones here."

"It does," agreed Joker. She unconsciously pulled at her glove to find metal resistance. Confused she raised her arm...and Aigis's. "What the-?"

"It appears we are stuck together," commented Aigis.

"It seems you have reached your destination," announced the Voice, "You appear to be on a path where lovers discuss their love for each other. What could be waiting for you up ahead? You are free to move forward or stay put."

"What if we stay put?" asked Aigis.

"Your only choices appear to be stepping forth or staying put. What would you choose?" was the answer.

"We might as well go forth," sighed Joker.

"Very well. But as I said earlier when we all met, staying by Minako-san's side is very important to me. This is therefore a problem."

"We could apply for divorce," Joker suggested.

"That is a logical decision I can abide," said Aigis.

The two move forward. Eventually, they find a shrouded portrait.

"Suddenly," said the Voice, "all in attendance hear an announcement. Up ahead, you can see the commemorative portrait of the bride and groom. You can look at it or ignore it."

Curious, the 'destined partners' stepped closer to the portrait which immediately revealed itself.

It was a photo shopped picture of a bride and groom. Joker's head was pasted on the groom, while Aigis was the bride.

"How is this a memento of love?" asked Aigis, "It looks nothing more than an image manipulation."

She looked at it again before looking back at Joker.

"May we recreate the commemorative photo?" she asked.

"Alright. It can't be that tough," Joker shrugged.

Aigis lifted Joker into a bridal carry, "I judged that you would not be able to support my weight so I took the liberty to reverse our roles."

"Where should we go then, my dear future husband?" Joker deadpanned.

"Checking data banks," Aigis said robotically.

She held Joker in silence for a few minutes.

"To be wed couples go to a church. Therefore, if we continue moving beyond the portrait, we could find the church."

She carried Joker for what felt like hours. Finally, they find the church. Setting down Joker, Aigis hesitated.

"Shall we go?" she asked.

Joker nodded. Might as well get this over with.

They open the doors and step inside. A nearby organ playing 'Here comes the bride' swells dramatically.

"Now, vow to your partner in sickness and health!" demands the Voice as the two girls walk down the aisle.

The doors slam open again and everyone rushes in.

"W-wait, Joker-san!" shouts Yosuke, "I don't think that Aigis-san has the right upgrades for marriage!"

* * *

-January 10, 20XX-

"And then what happened?" asked Akira, skeptical. The woman sitting across from her requested her presence a few hours ago. Since then, she had been telling the imprisoned teen a wild story about meeting other Persona users in a pocket dimension. Several guards stuck around at first to see if the woman was trying to pass incriminating info in code along. But the confusion and amusement of the prisoner proved that wrong. So they retreated to make sure the odd woman wasn't planning to break the teen out.

Elizabeth smiled at the girl behind the interview glass, "And then you defeated the preacher shadow and located its treasure."

"So...I'm not married to a time traveling robot?"

"No."

"Alright," Akira nods, "what happened after that?"

"You all gathered back to the Velvet Room..."

* * *

-Omake 1-

"Wait," Panther leaned forward and stared at the red haired Yasogami navigator chatting with SEES' own navigator, "Is that Risette?"

"It kind of does look a younger version of her," said Joker. "I think that kid over there looks a bit like Naoto Shirogane. Y'know, the original Detective Prince."

"Their teammates did say they're from 2011," added Noir.

"So if we tell them anything, will it change the future?" asked Panther.

"I think we should not try to change anything," Queen suggested.

"Right," Joker nodded, "spread that around to the others."

* * *

-Omake 2-

Marie was bored. Satomi and her new friends were busy exploring the Labyrinths and Margaret was having a discussion with her siblings. At first they were comparing timelines and something about gaps between worlds and a 'Minato.' Whoever that is.

Apparently Elizabeth knew something about Marie's future but has elected to not say anything. 'It was more fun that way' she had said. Lame.

Now they were discussing the time period of the Wild Card Elizabeth is babysitting.

"Lavenza was supposed to begin her duties soon. It should be around the time the Wild Card named Kurusu should've gained their power," said Margaret.

"Indeed. Instead, Kurusu said she has twin attendants named Caroline and Justine," said Elizabeth.

"Did something happen to Lavenza?" wondered Theodore.

"And that's not just the only oddity," added Margaret, "have you noticed how similar Mona feels to you?"

Mona? Isn't that the cat thing?

Marie shook her head. Ugh, if the Velvet Room weirdos are going to discuss the future and their opinions on guests, they should've let her join in. They're such jerks.

* * *

Depending on how far I get in my playthrough, I might throw in a few drabbles centering around this crossover chapter of doom in the future. *shrugs*

The P3 and P4 leaders are female too because why not. However, I hadn't played P3P in a long time so Minako ended up being...generically female. orz

P4 MC/Satomi is characterized as 'total airhead with a dash of gal culture' because I figured why not try something different with her. Keeping up with P4's theme that there's more to someone than what you assume them to be, she actually gets really good test grades. Which confuses people because would you expect that?

The kanji in Satomi's name is the ones for 'clever' and 'beautiful' because irony and hints that she is actually smarter than she lets on.

CONCERNING FUTURE UPDATES:

This fic unexpectedly became a summer project and now its all winding down and burn out is setting in.

Last chapter, I put up a survey concerning future chapters. I have a bunch of short one-shots of varying lengths and writers block so I was wondering I should a) post them all in a couple of super collection chapters and then there's nothing for a while until I post something, b) post a chapter once a week that has two or three one-shots put together until I finish on a longer chapter, or c) continue with my current schedule and occasionally post something that's like 200 words long while I try to work on a longer chapter.

Few of you on both ff dot net and AO3 replied and so far the tally is technically 2 for Option A and 2 for Option C. I gave some thought for the past week and I'm using my Executive Author Powers to break this tie and say screw it, let's do Option B.

So from now on, new chapters will be on Wednesdays. Chapters will contain stuff I wrote like weeks ago and occasionally between them it will be a longer chapter like this one. Posting once a week would less stressful for me and hopefully I wont get that feeling that I'm spamming chapters for views. :O

My previous timeline was that I would end this story by the end of August but perhaps with this new schedule, I'll most likely be done by the end of October.

Thank you all for reading and I wouldn't have gotten this far without your encouragement.

Tune in next Wednesday for the start of the new schedule. :D


	11. Early Days

First off: OH MY GOD WE'RE GETTING A PERSONA 5 ANIME AAAAAAAAAAAA-

UPDATE: HOLY CRAP THE SPIN OFFS ARE HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAA-

Welcome to the new schedule, y'all. One chapter on Wednesdays from now on. Some weeks you might get a longass standalone chapter at minimum 1300 words and some weeks you might get a chapter that's two or three short one shots put together in a themed mini-collection. My reasons for this are in the end notes of last chapter.

This chapter covers April.

No warnings here unless you count King Kamoshida being himself as a warning.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 11 - Early days

* * *

 **1\. Hoist the colors**

"What an overemotional peasant," smirked King Kamoshida as Ryuji rushed to aid Akira and Morgana who laid on the castle floor, dazed. The golden Guard Captain stomped on Morgana, who yowled weakly in response. With a sweep of his hand, soldiers quickly surrounded the blond teen, "what are you going to do? Raise a hand against me? I have you surrounded and any wrong move means death. It's pathetic those two brought you along. They have powers you don't have yet they still fell to one of my best captains."

Ryuji sunk to his knees, "No..."

"I showed kindness by overseeing track practice and you had to go and throw it all away."

"That wasn't practice," Ryuji hissed, "it was all physical abuse. You just didn't like the team"

"Because you idiot kids and your idiot coach were nothing but an eyesore," roared the King, "the only one around here achieving results should be me. If the coach hadn't argued with me, he wouldn't have gotten fired and it would've just been settled with the star player breaking his leg."

"What...?" said Ryuji.

"Do you want your other leg broken as well?" asked the King as he paced back and forth, "the school will just call it self-defense again."

He then eyed Akira struggling to get up from the floor.

"I bet you manipulated this poor girl into getting ideas high above her station," he reached down, grabbed her by the neck, and hoisted her up. Akira struggled but the Guard Captain's attacks had weakened her greatly and the King held her an arm's length away from sensitive areas. His touch felt cold and seemed to have an aura of arrogance emitting from his skin.

"I bet you told her lies that I'm a tyrant who doesn't care about his subjects. That the only way is to assassinate me and then you'll be regarded as the hero and you get laid as a reward! Who wouldn't want that?" He motioned to the Guard Captain who handed him its sword.

The sword was held a foot away from Akira's abdomen, "The fact is, I don't give a shit that the plan was to prove that we can rehabilitate delinquent teens into respectable citizens. "

"You asshole," Ryuji growled.

"All I see is a barking dog getting worked up over nothing," said King Kamoshida smugly.

"You holding a sword close to her sure isn't nothin'."

"Peasants like her should've been taken out like the trash they are," the shadow declared as he moved the sword away and brought Akira closer to himself. He looked at her surprised yet defiant face and grinned.

"Well, I suppose there's a use for you. The Princess could always have her own handmaiden to boss around instead of the new recruits."

"Princess?" Akira gritted out.

"My lord," whined a familiar voice, "I've been, like, waiting for you in my chambers since, like, forever!"

Ann Takamaki dressed in a purple leopard print bikini and a cat eared tiara walked up and draped herself over King Kamoshida's side, mindful of the sword he's holding. A soldier broke formation to take the sword and hand it back to its Captain still holding down a squirming Morgana.

"Takamaki...?" Ryuji and Akira stared at her.

"What a meow-velous girl," commented Morgana as he stopped struggling to look upon the new arrival.

"W-what's goin' on?" stammered Ryuji, "What are you doing here, Takamaki?"

"That's not actually her," Morgana explained, "it's just a cognitive vision of the Takamaki you know. She's here because Kamoshida wills it so."

"Princess," said the King adoringly, "I got you a present. Didn't you say the other day that you wanted your own handmaiden?"

"You got me one?" said Takamaki, "that's, like, totally awesome~!" She spotted Akira trying to struggle out of the King's grip, "Is that her?"

"Indeed."

"Fuck you," Akira growled.

Takamaki frowns, "Ugh, she needs training."

"She'll be broken in by the time she is ready to serve you, Princess," the King reassured. Akira shuddered and tried to work at breaking out of the King's grip but gasped as the King squeezed, cutting off air from her lungs. Her hands clawed at the fingers around her throat uselessly. Satisfied that she got the message, the King relaxed his grip.

"Don't worry," cooed Takamaki as she patted the captive's head, "We'll be, like, the best of friends~!"

Meanwhile, Ryuji was getting angrier. At himself, for letting Kamoshida fuck up his life. At the Shadows for not letting him to interfere. At Kamoshida for being an bigger asshole than previously believed to be.

Akira and Morgana need his help but what could he do? He can't run for help, Kamoshida made sure of that. Even now he's making sure that Ryuji is useless.

"Goddammit," he hissed.

"Stand up!" Akira gasped out, "Don't give him the satisfaction!" She then yelped as Takamaki slapped her.

"Four eyes!" yelled Morgana.

"She's right," Ryuji decided, "Everything important to me was taken from me and I'll never get them back." He slowly gets up in defiance as the King watches. "But I'm still here and I will keep fightin' until that bastard goes down!"

This decision resulted with a few things.

The first thing, the most important one: a voice chuckled inside Ryuji's head. It was followed by a pulse of painful pressure as if something was emerging from the depths of his mind.

 **You made me wait a quite a while,** said the voice as Ryuji gritted his teeth. There was another pulse and all watched as Ryuji's eyes flashed yellow and he grabbed at his head as it started to feel as though it would burst.

 **You want power, correct?** asked the voice as Ryuji fell to his knees, **then let's form a pact.**

"A pact?" Ryuji whimpered as the pressure continued to build.

 **Since your name has been disgraced already, why not hoist the colors and wreck havoc? The "other you" who exists within desires it such.**

At this point, Ryuji is writhing on the ground.

 **I am thou, thou art I. There is no turning back! The skull of rebellion is yours to raise henceforth!**

There was a flash of blue flame and Ryuji looked up.

A skull mask was attached to his face.

He knew what to do.

The next thing, Kamoshida knew what was going to happen.

"This one as well?" He turned to the Guard Captain who was dutifully keeping Morgana captive, "Kill it."

"As you command, my liege." He adjusted his grip on his sword so it was rearranged to point down at Morgana's head. He raised it...

Ryuji stood up and with a war cry, he tears the mask off his skin and proceeds to burst into more blue flames that threatened to blow everyone away.

When it cleared, he was dressed in black leather armor. Behind him was a giant skeletal pirate figure riding his boat like a surf board.

"Woah, this is nice," said Ryuji as he checked himself out. "Wassup, Persona?" he looked up at the skeleton who pointed to the guard captain who hesitated in his execution. Noticing the danger, Ryuji pointed to the guard captain. "Get him, Captain Kidd!"

The pirate rammed his ship into the guard captain, which knocked him off of Morgana, who took the opportunity to roll away.

The next thing that happened was that Kamoshida was shocked enough to loosen his grip on Akira's neck so she was able to break out. She drew her knife out and sliced Takamaki's throat. The girl gasped and dissipated into nothing as she collapsed.

The final thing was that Morgana and Akira quickly maneuvered to Ryuji's side and he grinned viciously.

"Time for some payback."

* * *

 **2\. Metacognition**

"Hey, guys," says Joker while they were taking a break in a safe room in Kamoshida's Castle. The other three look up at her.

"What language does your Persona speak to you in?" she crosses her fingers as she leans in on the table while she does this, which made her look as though she was imitating a rather familiar pose.

"Uh...Japanese?" said Skull, confused.

"Is this because of Arsene?" said Panther, "He's supposed to be a facet of your soul right? Maybe he says stuff in French sometimes because you can speak it?"

"But I don't," Joker replied, "so I don't even know where that's coming from. It's kind of like how Captain Kidd looks like a pirate but he doesn't even talk like a pirate."

"He's not," said Skull, "he was a privateer which is, like, different. Kinda. He was goin' around wreckin' everyone's shit for the British Empire. But then his asshole crew decided to mutiny and frame him for piracy. He got hung for it."

"How did you know that?" the two girls stare at him.

Skull shrugs, "I asked him the other night. Because I was wonderin' about it too. So...yeah."

It was at that moment the teens realized that Mona hasn't said anything. They all turn to look at him.

He sat in his seat, eyes wide. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times as no sound came out.

"Mona...?"

"I...I...never thought of that, before," said Mona finally. "What language do I think in?"

Mona was in no shape to fight while having an existential crisis, so they all decided to call it a day.

* * *

 **3\. Truce**

-Late April, after the Castle falls-

"We need to lay down some effin' ground rules, cat," Ryuji starts.

"I am not a cat!" hisses Morgana.

"Okay, fine. You're not a cat and I'm not a stupid monkey. Got that?"

"Yeah? And?" Morgana challenges as his tail swishes back and forth.

"So you need to effin' chill out with the insults and shit, man. We both know we both contribute something to the team so neither of us are useless."

"But you keep missing the target!"

"But it's not as bad as Ann's shootin' skill." Ryuji hisses.

Morgana's eyes narrow, "you take that back about Lady Ann!"

"Face it, you know its true."

"She's...she's getting better!"

"And guess what: So am I. So stop being a dick already. And if you do that, maybe, just maybe I'll lay off the cat jokes."

"Ugh...fine."

"Besides, you could need a friggen' break from Akira once in a while, right? How can you stand it?"

"With...great effort," Morgana admits.

* * *

1\. I just wanted to write out a quick rendition of Ryuji's awakening scene but then King Kamoshida decided he wanted to be more of a dick and drag things out to near standalone size. Yay?

Also, since Akira has mastered the art of taming one's hair into a bun, she doesn't have the bed head look like canon!Akira does. So Morgana has been referring her as 'Four eyes' because her glasses was the first thing he noticed.

Akira's awakening will not be written out because it more or less happened the same as in canon.

2\. 'Metacognition' is pretty much a prologue to the chapter where Akira learns French. Metacognition is also a psychology term whose simplified explanation is that you think about thinking. Turns out there's a whole load of debate on whether or not this is a sign of sapience in other species and stuff.

Captain Kidd's backstory is provided by wikipedia.

3\. After 'Truce,' Morgana and Ryuji still argue with each other but they're more friendly than in canon. Probably like 10% friendlier. Which is...not really much to be honest.

This one I wrote first and 'Hoist the Colors' was written last. After some thought, I rearranged them into chronological order. I also tried writing a post-script scene for 'Hoist the Colors' but it wasn't working out. Oh well.

That's it for this week. See y'all again next Wednesday. :D


	12. My Homie

Writing out chapters is harder than expected. I'm instead getting ideas for new stories instead whoops.

Gist of this week's theme: Relationships, how do they work?

To be honest, I had weeks to rework section 1 but nothing was coming to me so...yeah. *shrug emoji*

Spoiler warning for: Early December palace (in section 3).

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 12 - My Homie

* * *

 **1\. Romance Route Unlocked (non canon)  
**

-Yusuke-

"It's all thanks to you that I was able to be inspired again," Yusuke said as he and Akira left the museum hosting the exhibition.

"I'm glad I was able to help," Akira smiled.

"Indeed. Without you being my muse, I would have forever fallen into deep despair."

He steps closer to her until they're both face to face.

"Y-yusuke?"

"Perhaps," he purrs as he tilts her face up to him, "I should reward my muse for a job well done."

He watches as Akira's face turns a marvelously deep red and he chuckles as he leans forward and kisses her.

-Mishima-

"If it weren't for the Phantom Thieves, I would've been a nobody who is only good for being a punching bag," Mishima declares to Akira as they walked the path in the park.

He abruptly stops and fidgets, as if he wants to say something important.

"Mishima?"

"And if weren't for you, I would stuck," said Mishima as he purposely walked up to Akira.

"You've given me courage," he said, "and I think I'm brave enough to say it."

"Say what?"

"I love you," Mishima said without hesitation.

"I love you, too, Yuuki," Akira replies, equally unhesitating.

-Haru-

"Mon amie," Haru clasps her hands over Akira's, "Je t'aime."

Akira smiles before realizing she forgot the appropriate reply to say in French. Not wanting to spoil the moment, she says "I love you too."

Haru keeps smiling but there was a wicked playfulness in her tone as she says "I will someday punish you for that."

Akira resists the urge to shiver. She knows very well that Haru will fulfill that promise.

-Ann-

"Be...Because I love you!" Ann shouted before her hands flew up to her mouth. "I...uh...Oh jeez, what did I just say?"

She gasped as Akira hugged her, "I love you too. In a lovers sense, I mean."

"O-oh. Me too. But um...how is this going to work?"

Akira cocked her head in thought before replying, "We'll figure it out."

"Yeah!" Ann raises her fist over her head like she was fist pumping the air, "Step by step right?"

Akira smiled, "And here's step one," she said in a low voice before kissing Ann.

-Makoto-

"I love you so let's make out," Makoto said as she pressed Akira against the wall of the student council room.

"Wha-" Akira managed to say before Makoto latched her mouth onto Akira's.

It felt like forever before they broke apart.

"W-wow," gasped Akira, "T-that was nice."

"Yeah," said Makoto equally breathless, "Let's do that again."

-Ryuji-

"Remember when I said that my place is right besides yours?" said Ryuji after he lead her to the soda machine area in the courtyard.

"Yeah. What did you mean by that, Saka-chan?" asked Akira as she sat down on the bench.

"I meant all of it," he said, pacing.

"I..." he said, face turning red, "I, uh..."

"Saka-chan, are you okay?" Wow. She didn't know people could get that red.

"I am!" Ryuji yelps. Unbeknownst to them, several people also in the court yard heard him. Some sneaked up to the vending machine area, curious as to what's happening.

"I...I LOVE YOU!" Ryuji shouts.

Akira blinks, stunned. She can hear whispering. Good job, Saka-chan. Everyone in a ten mile radius must've heard that.

Oh, yeah. She should say something.

"Me, too," she says.

More whispers. Wait, did somebody lose a bet? What the hell?

To Akira's non-surprise, the gossip the next day was focused on them.

(More bets were lost and won. What is with this school?)

-Hifumi-

"C-COURAGE DANCE!" Hifumi shouts.

The people around them stop and stare at the two girls.

"Isn't that the Phony Princess?" someone whispers.

"Yeah, what is she doing?"

"I..." Hifumi hesitates before she straightens up and points at Akira.

"I LOVE YOU, AKIRA KURUSU!"

Akira's blushing smile was worth the increase of whispers and the clicking sounds of phone keyboards as the Scandal of the Phony Princess of Shogi gained a new twist to its story.

-BONUS - Iwai-

Iwai calmly pats Akira on the head and says, "You're like a daughter to me."

'Drat, daughter zoned,' thinks Akira.

"However, if you ever decide to date Kaoru someday, let it be known that if you hurt him, I'll kill you."

"G-got it."

* * *

 **2\. Tact**

Mishima checks the caller ID as his phone rings. It's Kurusu. She normally doesn't call him. Especially not on days when there's (unofficial) volleyball practice.

"Hello?" he says as he accepts the call.

"Mishima," Akira sounds mad. Oh god, what did he do?

"Y-yeah?"

"Do I smell like coffee?"

Wait, what?

"Um...no?"

There was a long pause.

"Thanks," she says before hanging up.

"What was that about?" asks a team mate entering the locker room.

"Kurusu asking me if she smells like coffee and I said no?"

"You were wise in doing so, bro," the other boy nods what he deemed as 'sagely.'

"I am?"

"Yeah, girls that like you will sometimes test you. It's best to tell them what they want to hear. I mean, yeah, Ichiro is in the same class as her and he says Kurusu slightly does smell like curry and coffee. But, like, I think she works at some coffee shop part time so that should be expected."

"Yeah," Mishima nods.

His team mate claps his hand onto Mishima's shoulder, "At least your girl doesn't smell like cat piss, am I right?"

Mishima turned red. "She's...she's not my girlfriend!" he yelped indignantly.

* * *

 **3\. How to wreck a delinquent's rep (Or: Five Times Akira Called Ryuji 'Saka-chan' and One Time She Said 'Ryuji')**

-Sometime in late May-

"Yeah, sure, Saka-chan," Akira nonchalantly said.

"Great, let's get go-wait what? What the eff did you call me?" Ryuji stared at her, hoping he heard that wrong.

"Saka-chan," Akira replied blank faced and deadpan.

"You're not calling me that!" Ryuji yelped.

Akira stared him intently. It was kinda unnerving.

-Mid-June-

"Just call me Ryuji," the bottle blond pleaded as they entered the Secret Training Spot (aka the Protein Lovers gym).

"Saka-chan," was the reply.

The only upside he can think of is that she hasn't been saying it around other people...yet.

And then he got an idea.

"So...what if I called you Kiki from now on?" asked Ryuji.

"How about no?" Akira glared back at him and he knew that at this moment he wasn't winning this round.

-Early July-

"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?' Ryuji whines.

"Nope." There was something malicious about that smile...

"GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" shouts one of the two boys they passed by.

Ryuji would forever deny he made a squeaking sound and that Akira's reaction was just a raised eyebrow.

The lunch bell rang to signal the end of lunch so he returned to class wondering how many people are starting to think they're dating.

-August-

"Bonjour, Saka-chaaan!"

"Hey," Ryuji said before he realized what he just answered to.

'Aw dammit.'

Somewhere within him, Captain Kidd snickered. Aw man, him too?

-September-

"Saka-chan."

"Yeah?" Ryuji said, resigned.

There was a faint sound of somebody imitating the sound of a whip crack in the distance.

-December, as Shido's ship sinks-

At the sound of his team mates' shouting, Skull grinned and gave them a thumbs up as he clung to the lever with one hand. Even he wasn't sure how he'd get out of this one.

Then there was a explosion and everything seemed to go sideways.

"RYUJI!" Joker shouted from her perch on the life boat as the explosion hid Skull from view.

When it cleared, he was gone.

In the real world, Ryuji found himself on the grass and was surprised to be alive. Right, let's not do that again.

He walked up to the group of upset girls, cautiously said "hey" and, as a result of doing so, got tackled by all of them as a relieved Yusuke and Morgana looked on.

* * *

1\. The confession one shot was a result of me attempting to write a series of romance chapters that are unrelated to each other. It didn't work out so I just wrote a series of love confessions which still didn't work out. Futaba's is missing because I see her as a little sister character. Akechi is missing because I have no idea what to do with Akechi. He's complicated and he wont cooperate with me beyond a few cameos. Shinya and technically Caroline and Justine are like 11 so that's a big 'nope'. And since I'm adult myself, I feel uncomfortable writing romantic relationships with a big age difference between a 16 year old girl and her adult confidants. I'm pretty sure a lot of them would rather act like a parental figure towards the protagonist if the romance option wasn't available.

Iwai is in here because my first attempt to include everyone for the love confession one-shot resulted in him dad-ing at her so I kept it in for comedy. However, after reading some tvtropes spoilers, I'm not sure how his confidant would work with a female protag considering that apparently his confidant involves the MC going around to sketchy places to do some errands for him. Maybe I should reassign the Hanged Man arcana to someone else. *shrugs*

None of the confessions are canon to this story. Our heroine's romance situation shall remain ambiguous.

Now as for the (unbeta'd) French:

Mon amie = my friend (female)

Je t'aime = I love you

2\. 'Tact' is based on the fact that once in a while, you can get a Mementos conversation about Joker smelling like coffee. Protag-chan just wanted some confirmation from somebody not in the Phantom Thieves. :O

3\. The Saka-chan one shot is one of the bits I kept around after discarding the romance chapter collection idea. Fun fact: The scene where Sojiro gives the boys the Shovel Talk in chapter 7 was also from Ryuji's dropped chapter but it was just Ryuji suffering it alone.

Also rewriting everyone's reactions to Ryuji showing up alive after his stunt on the ship because there was so many ways the end of that going wrong since they were like near the freaking Diet building. Where there's cops around. Who are probably on Shido's payroll for all we know. Good job, you guys. :|


	13. PERSONA USERS REACT TO:

So this is the last of the mini-collection chapters. There was a couple more one shots but I decided to expand on them. They'll be posted when ready. So I guess I'm entering a semi-hiatus but any future updates for this story will be on Wednesdays.

These one shots also got expanded to include Akechi as an attempt to feel him out. Out-right attempting a chapter starring him only resulted in writer's block that lasted for days. orz

Warnings for: Mara being Mara and spoiler warning for the end of Adolescence of Utena if you haven't seen it.

(Idk, I should probably up the rating to M)

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 13 - PERSONA USERS REACT TO...

* * *

 **1\. Mara**

Mementos today have gotten on Joker's last nerve. Currently, Panther and Fox are sleeping, Skull somehow got shocked into paralysis, and Mona is a few feet away from the action on healing duty but had ran out of energy and couldn't cast magic. What is this, a video game?

"You assholes can SUCK MY DICK!" she yelled as she pulled off her mask, eager to try out her latest acquisition from the Velvet Room.

A horrible screeching sound heralded the arrival of...a giant green dick riding on a golden chariot lined with blades.

"What the fuck," said Skull.

"What he said," said one of the Shadows they were fighting.

The green dick thing wiggled it's tiny arms and its many tentacles in response.

"Wipe them out, Mara!" an unfazed Joker commanded and Mara stood to attention as it blasted a huge flame that consumed their foes to ash.

Panther and Fox woke up just in time to see Mara fade back into the depths of Joker's heart.

"Um," yawned Panther, "I wasn't dreaming that, right?"

"Is that what they call a 'waking nightmare'?" asked Fox, "how disgustingly wretched."

"Are you okay?" asked Mona as he noticed Joker looking exhausted.

"I'm alright," she replied, "Mara is way too strong for me to handle properly. I think I'll only use him as a last resort."

-A couple of months later in the Pyramid-

"Weak to fire, huh?" said Joker. She quickly glanced at Queen and smirked as she held a hand to her mask, "MARA!"

Queen's resulting yelp was worth the after battle lecture.

-September-

They were in Mementos to help Oracle get used to her Persona. A tough group of enemies showed up.

Cursing herself for thinking that Panther could use a break too soon, Joker looked up at Necronomicon hovering above them.

"Hey Oracle? You might want to move out of the way for this."

"Okay, but why?"

"Because," Joker ripped off her mask, "BURN THEM, MARA!"

Oracle gasped as Mara severely injured the shadows before she cooed, "Ooooh, Joker, it's so big~!"

"Oh god," sighed Queen as Skull spluttered.

"I don't know how it could fit~!"

Panther gave up trying to keep cool and started laughing hysterically.

-October-

Noir refused to look at Joker for a day. Just thinking about Mara made her blush.

-November-

"We're cornered, Joker," said Crow, "what should we do?"

A smirk formed on Joker's lips. The other Thieves took notice and started snickering. How odd.

"Come forth, Mara!"

Crow most definitely did not squeak but if it were to happen, it would be a most dignified kind of squeak.

* * *

 **2\. Movie Nights**

1 - Hypocrisy

"What the fuck did I just watch," says Akira as she and Ryuji walk out of the movie theater.

Ryuji rubs the back of his neck, "You didn't like it? I thought Cake Knight could be your thing."

"My thing?"

"Y'know...that word that describes things that fit other things you like? Aerobics?"

"You mean 'Aesthetics'?" says Morgana in the bag.

"Yeah, that."

"That movie was ridiculous and I can't believe there's a giant fanbase for this."

"Says the magical girl nerd," Morgana retorts.

"...Touche."

2 - Where's the hover boards?

Akira isn't sure what's going on but it appears to be about time traveling ninjas.

If it makes Futaba happy, she'll endure it.

3 - So much drama

Akira and Ann aren't even sure they're aware of what's going on in the movie anymore because they've been crying for the past ten minutes. This movie is too damn sad to be romantic.

4 - Because ART

"That was riveting," chirps Haru-senpai.

"It was...pretty?" says Akira reluctantly because she didn't want to admit she understood half of the dialogue.

"Indeed. The costumes were gorgeous and complemented the sets very well," gushes Yusuke, "The paintings in the background, even though they were reproductions for this film, were produced faithfully..."

"He's...going to be at this for a while," whispers Akira to Haru-senpai.

"And the lighting! They tastefully highlighted everyone's profiles..."

5 - Technically the wrong demographic

"Never make me watch something so babyishly shitty ever again," Shinya says scornfully.

"I thought kids like Ghost Ring?"

"Yeah, pre-school kids. Do I look like a freaking baby to you?"

Akira shook her head, "No." But she wisely didn't add that Shinya was the one who excitedly told her about the movie in the first place.

She spots a couple of kids who are Shinya's age entering the theater. Ah, its a pre-teen boy thing. Probably.

6 - IT'S SYMBOLIIIIIIC

"Lady of Revolution: Adolescence?" said Akira as Akechi held up a DVD case, "I hadn't seen that series since I was ten and it confused the hell out of me. And now there's a movie version of it?"

"That's what they've been doing with popular shows lately," said Akechi. "Shall we watch it in your room?"

"Only if Morgana is allowed to chaperone," Sojiro interrupted from his spot at the counter.

Akechi stared at the cat sitting at the foot of the stair case in confusion before shrugging. "Well, okay."

-TWO HOURS LATER-

"I am even more confused," confessed Akira as one of the protagonists on screen escaped assorted symbolism via helicopter that originally was the love interest.

"I didn't think that was possible," muttered Morgana who marveled at the level of cognition the protagonist on screen confronted.

Akechi, meanwhile, felt as though he understood Akira a little bit more. Perhaps, even she had her limits?

* * *

-OMAKE (NON-CANON)-

"I can't believe you fused him," whispered Minako, face slowly turning red.

"Grody," sniffed Satomi.

"It will be hilarious," said Joker, "Trust me."

The other two girls stared at her before sighing.

"...Just don't summon him when Ken and Rei are around, alright?" said Minako, looking resigned yet the glint in her eyes looked dangerous.

"Fine, fine," Joker waved a hand before stepping out of the remains of the Velvet Room, "HEY SKULL, GUESS WHAT'S BACK IN MY HEAD. IT STARTS WITH AN 'M.'"

"Holy effin' shit," Skull called back before grinning, "you actually did it. This is gonna be awesome."

-TEN MINUTES LATER-

"I-I should execute you for this," stammered Mitsuru as she stabbed an enemy Shadow weakened by Mara's might. The Shadow burst into black and red smoke.

"G-good job, Mi-Mitsuru-senpai," squeaked Fuuka as Oracle and Yukiko laughed at Rise's 'porno impression' in the background.

Skull and Joker high-fived each other as Shirogane pulled her cap down to hide her blush.

* * *

1\. At first it was a short drabble about Akira randomly summoning Mara to the current party's confusion. But then I decided to expand it and it somehow became a hazing ritual. I guess he's also a good headspace renter considering he's somehow lasting longer than the Incubus from chapter 2. Then again, he's most likely based on the story where he tempts the Buddha with sex, war and gold so he's probably like 'GET ALL THE MONEYS AND SHINY WEAPONS YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT' when the team is Mementos grinding. *shrugs*

2\. 'Movie nights' started on Cake Knight and it grew from there until Akechi wanted a turn. Also I have no idea what movie Haru invites you (if she does do that) to because my initial playthrough didn't have a high enough proficiency stat to start her confidant. So I just made something up.

3\. ...And then I decided bring in Mara to the Labyrinth Dimension or whatever the place is called in Persona Q for the lols.

I have no idea when PQ2 comes out but I'll most likely do a version of that with Minako, Satomi, and Joker-chan. But until then, I'm gonna milk all the hilarity of PQ1 until its gone.


	14. The Worst Sleepover Ever

I took a week off, gained some idea for what I could do with this AU, remembered that my copy of P4 Golden exists, and yet none of that helped me to get this chapter to be the length I wanted it to be (ie, much longer).

I think I work best when I just write short bursts of story. *shrugs*

Anyway, this chapter initially existed because I realized that if Sojiro was going to allow Yusuke temporarily stay in Leblanc, his Inner Dad would object to having a teenage boy and girl sleeping in the same room unsupervised. Yet he apparently trusts the cat to be on guard duty.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 14 - The Worst Sleepover Ever

* * *

-June 11, 20XX-

"Shouldn't you be going to sleep now?" asked Morgana as Yusuke scribbled in his sketchbook on the couch. Sakura-san allowed him to stay over for the night but didn't trust him and Akira to get up to 'shenanigans' while unsupervised. Akira packed up some clothes into her bag and followed Sakura-san to his residence an hour ago.

"It's 9:30 PM," said Yusuke while he continued to sketch.

"So?" challenged the cat.

"It's too early to go to bed," asserted Yusuke.

"No, it's not," argued Morgana, "sleep is good for you and you need to get up early if you - wait," the cat seemed to squint at Yusuke's head.

"Is something wrong?" the boy asked, at last looking up from his sketchbook.

"Nevermind," the cat shook his head.

One and a half hours later, Morgana spoke up again: "Are you going to bed _now_? It's getting late."

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Sakura residence, Akira had so many questions swirling in her mind as she laid on the guest room bed. Or perhaps, her new room. Or maybe it was supposed to be her room all along but Boss didn't want her to be a 'bad influence' on whoever owns that bed room with the many 'keep out' signs attached to the door. She would ask whose room it was but the grimace and the furrowed eyebrows that Boss had when she looked back at him as they passed that door made her rethink that idea.

They had entered some of equilibrium lately but the trust was still shaky. She didn't want to fuck it up and piss off the man who took her in even though he didn't have to. She didn't need to know 'how good' she's got. Akira is well aware that she could've ended up being Kamoshida's ward in some messed up alternate universe.

She shuddered and directed her mind to other things. Like, can she sleep without the weight of Morgana on her stomach?

Two hours later, the answer appeared to be 'no.' Fantastic.

She closed her eyes and focused on the familiar street noise outside. Maybe if she pretended to be in the attic, she'd fall asleep sooner.

Instead, she hears footsteps walking down the hallway that get quieter as its source passes her room. There's a faint sound of a refrigerator opening. Ah, that must be Boss getting a - she looks at her phone. It's 11 PM. - late night snack.

And then, a nearby door opens. Akira freezes as a new set of footsteps enter the kitchen. The other resident of the house is still awake too.

"Sojiro!" a girl loudly whispers, earning a starting yelp from Boss.

"Futaba, don't sneak up on me like that," scolds Boss halfheartedly.

"I will make no promises," if Akira was in the same room, she knew she could see a shit eating grin on whoever sneaked up to Boss.

"And please quiet down, we have a guest."

"You mean, your part-timer who sleeps in Leblanc's attic and sometimes talks to her cat at night?"

"How did you-"

"I bugged the cafe years ago."

Akira winces. Hopefully, this Futaba person will never tell Boss of the time the Phantom Thieves used the cafe as bait to lure out that gang.

Boss sighs.

"If it makes you feel any better, that Yusuke guy is currently in an argument with the cat about sleeping?"

Akira suppresses a snort. So, it's not just her Morgana will nag at?

* * *

It's 3 AM and Akira is finally in deep sleep. As such, she doesn't wake up when the door opens and a thin, large-headed figure slips into the room.

It approaches the sleeping teen on the bed and tilts its head down at her face. It seems to watch her for a minutes before losing interest.

It picks up the cell phone that rested on the night stand and quickly bypasses the security code, revealing the contents behind the lock. Lithe fingers tapped the screen repeatedly for five minutes. It then quietly made a triumphant sound before closing the phone's home screen and setting it back on the night stand.

Akira stirred. The figure froze.

Akira sleepily opened her eyes and noticed the figure. She froze as well.

The two stared at each other, one with a heart pounding in fright, the other's large head retaining its frozen expression.

Finally, Akira whispered, half awake, "Please don't eat me." The large headed figure stared and seemed to tilt it's head in confusion.

It then seemed to understand what was just said and slowly backed away from the bed and seemed to disappear into the darkness.

It took another half hour before Akira fell into an uneasy sleep.

The figure emerged from the closet, quietly sneaked out of the bed room, and closed the door.

Down the hallway, the door decorated with 'keep out' signs also closed.

* * *

[The next morning in Leblanc]

Sojiro Sakura watched as Yusuke sipped his cup of coffee. Next to him was his suit case.

"You know, you could always stay until you find a place," said Sojiro, hiding his surprise that the words just tumbled out without his say so. Damn kids keep wrecking his Hardass Old Man facade...

"Thank you," Yusuke replied, "But I'll return to the dorms. I realized something after talking to everyone last night: Perhaps it's due to my upbringing but I don't know much about the world, let alone other people. If I am going to depict people in art, I need to interact with others more often. I'll start over with the ones closest to me."

"I see," Sojiro rubbed his beard, "Well, good on you."

Yusuke shook his head, "There's no need to exaggerate. May-"

The cafe bell chimed as Akira entered the cafe, yawning.

"Morning," she said sleepily. At the sound of her voice, Morgana rushed down the stairs and stopped at the landing.

"Well, this is the latest I've seen you wake up at," Sojiro commented.

"Yeah, I know," yawned Akira again as she blearily sat down in one of the booths. Morgana trotted over to her and looked up.

"How was it?" he asked.

Sojiro watched as Yusuke seemed to side-eye the cat as it was lifted up and place next to her on the booth seat. He wondered if Futaba was right and that the cat kept him up all night.

"Ugh," groaned Akira, "had a hard time sleeping last night." She laid her head on the table dramatically. The cat meowed in response, unimpressed by the display.

The two teens, however, heard: "And that's why it's important to stick to the sleep schedule we had agreed on!"

Akira 'urghed' again in response. Sojiro sighed and prepared a plate of cat food. Couldn't she see that the little guy is hungry?

Yusuke waited until the can opener ceased its racket, "as I was saying, may I come again sometime to enjoy your coffee?"

"My doors are always open," said Sojiro as Morgana jumped out of the booth, ran over to Sojiro, and mewed excitedly around his ankles while he scooped out the can.

In the booth, Akira snored loudly.

When she woke up, Yusuke was gone and a pair of regulars tutted about 'kids today are always staying up late' when they noticed her stir.

* * *

And thus she misses out hearing Sojiro's reasons for taking her in. Eh, it felt like a good place to stop. *shrugs*

Anyway: LET'S INTRODUCE FUTABA EARLY YEEEAAAAH.

To be honest, I forget when exactly the Daybreakers OVA takes place but I do remember it's before Kaneshiro's bank palace. The Phantom Thieves did use Leblanc as bait in the OVA and I would be surprised if anime!Futaba never uses that fact to blackmail them.

And uh, lately, it's been sounding like a really good idea to me to take any future AU of an AU/what ifs that apply to this story and just give them their own collection fic thingy. And I guess some side stories that came up after I declared this story finished will go there too? *shrugs*

If I do ultimately decide on doing so, that collection will be updated less frequently than this one. Lower priority and all that.

Welp, see y'all next time.


	15. Checking Out The Competition

The plan for this week was to rewrite the circumstances of the first meeting with Shinya. I somehow ended up doing a version of that manga chapter where the guys do Operation Maid Watch 2 instead.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 15 - Checking Out The Competition

* * *

"U-um, hey K-kurusu," stammered Mishima as he stepped in front of Akira's desk during lunch, "W-wanna go somewhere after school?"

"It's not going to be that movie theater in Shinjuku again, right?" Akira deadpanned. Last time they went, the two creepy old dudes who had hit on Ryuji while she investigated the reporter in Crossroads noticed Mishima and wouldn't freaking leave until Akira threatened to scream. She asked about them to Lala-chan later that night. Turns out they really like young men. Ew.

(It also turned out that Lala-chan keeps a freaking spiked mace bigger than Carmen's head under the bar and will casually rest it on her shoulder whenever patrons get unruly. People tend to behave better once they notice it.

Somehow lifting it didn't wrinkle her kimono or ruffle a hair out of place. There's something terrifyingly impressive about that and Akira hopes that someday she'll learn how to do it too.)

"No!" Mishima squeaked, flustered.

"Then where?"

"Have you been to Akihabara yet?" Mishima said quickly as if trying to change the subject.

Akira shook her head, "No."

"Really? It's almost July," said Mishima as if Akira should've known everything about Tokyo within the week she arrived.

He then seemed to perk up, "There's plenty of cool things to do there. How about it?"

Today wasn't a trial day so Takemi has no need for her 'guinea pig'. Yusuke was most likely busy painting whatever inspired him in their solo trek to Mementos last week. Garden Club doesn't meet today either so she couldn't use Haru-senpai as an excuse (besides, Morgana seems to be getting fat lately as a result of hanging out in Senpai's home. Maybe she should invite her to Leblanc sometime...). Akira felt as though she wasn't smart or charming enough to hang out with Makoto so that was an out. Ann...

Akira looked over to Ann in hopes she was listening as she checked her phone. _Please have a distraction ready_.

Ann frowned and locked her phone, "Ugh, another one skipped out again," she muttered. She looked up at Akira with sympathy in her voice, "Sorry, I have to fill in for a shoot again today. How about tomorrow?"

"Alright," Akira replied as she realized her possible savior is Saka-chan. Then again, working out at the gym is much preferable to spending the afternoon with a Phanboy whose newfound self confidence is heading towards the dark side if his comments about that celebrity daring to date another celebrity without the public's permission are anything to go by.

"Sakamoto will be coming with us too," Mishima added, as if reading her mind.

'I really need to befriend more people my age,' Akira thought as she realized her next out was Yoshida-san and Boss. Yoshida-san tends to make his speeches on the weekends and Boss would get suspicious if she said she wanted to help out in the cafe right after school.

* * *

There was a well-known maid cafe in the street they were in.

Of course it was freaking maids again. It was like neither of them learned from the Maid Service Disaster.

Why did they have to drag her in this again?

"Here you go, Mistress!" said the maid handling their table as she handed over Akira's coffee order.

The drink inside looked...green. It was most definitely not the coffee she ordered. Boss once told her that you can judge a cafe by how well it handles its coffee menu.

"What is this?" Akira asked, trying very hard not to judge so soon.

"Oh, I figured you wouldn't want anything fattening like coffee, Mistress!" chirps the maid.

"Coffee makes you fat?" asked Mishima.

"So I made all three of you vegetable smoothies!" the maid cheers. "Please enjoy as I get your curry!" She ran off to the kitchen.

Ryuji takes one look at his glass before shrugging, "Well, this can't be as bad as the time I drank the worst protien shake ever."

He takes a long sip before putting his glass down, "Right. Its your turn," he said cheerfully.

Akira couldn't help but feel that this was a trick.

She and Mishima drank their orders anyway.

Mishima immediately spat back in his glass. Akira gagged as she repressed the urge to throw up.

Good god, that was terrible.

Ryuji's smirk was part amusement and part grimance.

"I can't believe you tricked us," groaned Mishima.

"It wasn't that bad, dude," said Ryuji, "it was like a five."

"Compared to what?" asked Akira as she eyed the small muffins on the center of the table with suspicion.

"Here we go, Masters and Mistress!" announced the maid as she handed each teen at the table their meals. "Please enjoy - oh no!"

Her hand twitched as it struggled to hold on to the heavy plate but it ultimately lost the battle.

It tipped sideways and the curry landed right on Ryuji's head.

"What the eff, lady!" Ryuji yelped, "that's cold!"

Cold? Akira looked at her own plate and tentatively scooped a forkful of curry into her mouth and immediately regretted it.

It wasn't just cold. It was somehow both slimy and gritty. Was that chocolate? Chocolate doesn't go into curry. What kind of sick joke is this?

And in that moment, the cafe had sealed its fate.

"Right," said Akira as she slapped her share of the bill onto the table, "I'm out."

"W-wait!" cried Mishima as he handed over money to cover his order.

Fortunately for him, Kurusu was waiting outside.

"That was the worst curry I ever had. No, it doesn't even deserve to be called curry," she hissed.

"Sorry?"

"Mishima, I'll take you to Leblanc the next time you want real curry. Okay?"

Mishima opened his mouth only to be quietly interrupted, "no, the Phantom Thieves aren't changing any hearts over this. That's just petty."

The glare in her eyes was getting intense and everyone was whispering around them.

"Wow, what did he do to get her that mad?"

"Just say yes to whatever she wants, bro. You'll live longer."

Mishima was spared from further judgement when Sakamoto exited the cafe with a hand towel on his shoulders, "Dude! That maid dropped a plate of pancakes on Akechi's head!"

"Wait, the Charismatic Detective's here?" said Mishima.

"That's it, we're going to Leblanc for some real curry," Kurusu declared as she heard a couple of girls gasp, "Let's get out of here before Akechi's fangirls descend on this street to bring about misguided retribution."

On one hand, Mishima wanted to see a confrontation between Akechi and the Phantom Thieves. But on the other hand, Kurusu and Sakamoto could decide to change his heart if he annoyed them any further. That and Kurusu promised 'real curry' which must mean it's cheaper and not made with chocolate. Who the hell puts chocolate in vegetable curry?

"A-alright," Mishima agreed.

One hour later, angry misinformed fangirls swarmed the street. Akechi had left by then.

* * *

OMAKE

-One year later-

"I hired this girl some time after you went back to your home town," said Boss one August afternoon. Akira returned to Tokyo to spend two weeks of her summer vacation there.

"She sucked at it. She lasted like a month," Futaba added.

"It couldn't be that bad," said Akira.

" _She kept adding chocolate to the curry,_ " grumbled Boss.

"Oh."

"And then Ryuji came in one day and recognized her as the maid who got fired after dropping pancakes on Akechi," Futaba snickered.

"You know what?" said Akira as she rested her elbows on the counter, "That kind of sounds familiar."

* * *

According to google, there are some curry recipes that you can add chocolate to but I figure adding that to a recipe that doesn't need it wont end well.

I know the manga had Yusuke in the mix but I forgot about him until this chapter was two thirds done whoops.

idk, if Mishima is going to turn up in Shinjuku (and in it's red light district of all places WHY ARE YOU THERE MISHIMA) on some nights in the game, the Creepy Old Couple would've noticed him at some point. D:


	16. Plot Twist

This week I ended up skipping ahead to the late game. So if you wish to avoid **post-Casino interrogation/late-game spoilers** , skip this week's chapter.

Anyway, here's an outsider POV chapter for the late game starring Aiko Tendo. I haven't meant to include her in this story but it happened anyway.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 16 - Plot Twist

* * *

The news for the past week has been the same. Oh that poor girl, some bemoan. She fell into a wrong crowd. She either killed herself out of shame or to make sure everything she knows goes with her to the grave. She must've been protecting her boyfriend. Said boyfriend must be the leader of the Phantom Thieves. Why else would she take the fall for him? What should we do about violence among teenagers in this country?

Aiko Tendo, Future Ace Reporter, listened as her senpai ranted her reasons why she found that to be bullshit. What, can't a girl lead a gang of criminals? Did everyone forget that girl gangs exist? And why does she have to do it for her boyfriend?

Meanwhile, students from Class 2-D whisper Akira Kurusu's absence. Apparently Kawakami-sensei announced in homeroom that Kurusu was called back home to deal with a family issue and will return when that is resolved.

Which screams 'cover up story' to Aiko. That's way too convenient.

"What if Kurusu is a Phantom Thief?" she asked her senpai one day in the newspaper club's class room.

Her senpai sighed, "Kurusu has so many rumors concerning her since the day she got here. The likelihood of any of them being true is slim."

"What about the one involving her bringing her cat to school?" Aiko pointed out.

"That's...actually true. Apparently she tried to keep the cat from sneaking into her bag after she first got him but eventually she just gave up."

"And the teachers just...let her?" asked Aiko.

"The word is that cat is well-behaved and just sleeps in her desk most of the time." Her senpai shrugs, "Honestly, Kawakami-sensei is being too lenient on Kurusu."

"You would think she would try harder to keep her away from Sakamoto."

"Kurusu may be hanging around Sakamoto but it doesn't mean they're the actual Phantom Thieves. Sakamoto would've gotten everyone involved arrested ages ago since he's so loud."

At this, Aiko nods and decides to drop the topic. Maybe her senpai is right. Maybe its all a coincidence and the Phantom Thief thing will blow over by the end of the year.

* * *

Several days before the election, all the video billboards and news screens in Tokyo were hijacked by the Phantom Thieves so that they can declare war on Masayoshi Shido, a politician running for Prime Minister.

Near the end of it, the skull masked Thief introduces the leader of their group...Who happens to be a girl and rumors of her death was greatly exaggerated. In fact, isn't her 'suicide' too convenient?

As a finale, the video reveals the Phantom Thieves as they all line up and pose. It was greatly obvious that most of them were female.

And damn, they all look badass.

The day after the election, Prime Minister-elect Shido confesses his sins at a press conference, confirming that the Phantom Thieves have indeed succeeded.

Not bad for a bunch of girls, a kid in an animal costume, and the token two dudes.

* * *

Kurusu returned a couple of days after the conference just in time to take on the exams that she'll most likely reach in the top ten again despite being away from class for nearly a month. Her hair, after the alleged Babysitting Job Gone Wrong incident shortened it to a messy boyish style, had grown to chin length.

The not dead leader of the Phantom Thieves had hers stop at the waist and it seemed to flair out like a cape as she dramatically declared that the Phantom Thieves would steal the country back from Shido.

Kurusu, Aiko recalled, always moved about in a ladylike manner despite being nearly six feet tall. Like, she had High Expectations placed on her ever since she was born and couldn't seem to shake them off even though she was on probation. She would say a few words at a time when around people outside of her social circle. Even when with friends, she rarely raised her voice.

The Leader seemed like she can pull off the OHOHOHOHO laugh as she swooped down to steal whatever it was that caused her targets to confess with a ridiculous grin on her face.

As Aiko went through the differences, it seemed like it was very unlikely that Kurusu was a Phantom Thief. Punching people in the face, maybe. Stealing and blackmailing? Nah.

* * *

...And then Kurusu disappeared again.

Turns out she went to juvenile hall for breaking probation after testifying against Masayoshi Shido, who had a restraining order placed on her all those months ago. Apparently being in the same room as him violated the restraining order even if it was a court room.

Which sounds like complete bullshit and who the hell would allow those terms on a restraining order?

Kurusu's friends agreed and thus a petition to free her went the rounds. Despite rumors of Kurusu really being a Phantom Thief as a reason for going to jail going around, her classmates had signed it. Some had their reasons as being 'sticking it to the man like the Thieves have done.' Aiko signed it and moved on with her life.

Or at least that's what she would've done if Representative Toronosuke Yoshida hadn't made it to the evening news about making a speech about justice in the Diet and used the plight of his intern, Akira Kurusu, as an example.

And then suddenly it caused a tidal wave of support. Her former employers in the city cited her good character. A young woman claiming to be a psychic spoke about how Kurusu helped her find the courage to escape her scam artist employers. Teachers at Shujin Academy spoke about how of a good student she is.

A journalist visited Kurusu's hometown and discovered the most interesting evidence of all: Shido pulled a few strings to get Kurusu framed for the initial assault charge. Hell, she didn't even touch his allegedly drunk ass that night.

At this, there was an outcry among the public. If Shido hadn't looked like a super villain before, he did now.

* * *

Then on February 15, it was rumored that Kurusu was spotted working in a cafe called Leblanc the day before. Ann Takamaki and Ryuji Sakamoto gave in and revealed that she was freed on the 13th. She would be returning to class next week.

She proceeded to make the final exams of the school year her bitch. Again.

Aiko made it to the top 50. Again.

Life is weird like that.

* * *

So like at first this was going to be how the media would react to a female leader of the Phantom Thieves but then Aiko had to make a few observations and it all snowballed to the epilogue.

I've had some idea as to what Akira's family background is like for a while now. It just occurred to me that maybe I should start throwing in some hints.

As for Shido's calling card, its either because lol Cognition or Joker's wearing a wig.

I...don't even know why this fic focuses on Akira's hair so much. Signs of plot progression? Character development? Bullshit symbolism of femininity?

(I imagine its close to her shoulders by the time she gets out of Juvie *shrugs*)


	17. Rock Bottom

This week we're doing a craptastic backstory chapter which sort of explains why a teen girl would be sent off to live in Tokyo with a cranky barista as her guardian. I've been in the planning stages on adapting Haru's confidant and her Phantom Thief debut (...when I get around to them eventually) and I need something to justify some paragraphs.

Also, some style experimenting because why not.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 17 - Rock Bottom

* * *

As Akira cleaned the attic that would be her bedroom for the year, she recalled what her father said once.

 **[** Kurusu Teruo had been missing for a week. People searched the area around the crash scene for several days.

They found him in mid-way up the mountain in a daze. He had been wandering since climbing out of the wrecked vehicle with a concussion, bruised ribs, and cuts everywhere.

Last he remembered was driving to the hospital where his younger sister lay seriously ill. The next thing he knows is there are blurred trees everywhere and he had a hazy feeling of pain. It was like he was in a dream.

The doctors at the hospital said Teruo was lucky to get away with such injuries.

Meanwhile, his parents, his mother especially, was furious. Her son must've been drinking before he crashed (even if there wasn't bottles or receipts found in the admittedly expensive car). His paternal grandparents were coming as well and they have Opinions on their daughter-in-law. How dare her son make her look even worse.

She calmed down and forgave him eventually. But after that, she seemed...cooler towards him compared to his older brother and little sister.

Perhaps, this is what rock bottom felt like. **]**

The attic, while not spotless, looked more livable now.

 **[** Akira met her great-grandparents a few times. They seemed a lot nicer than her grandmother, who is judgemental about everything.

Eight and ten was considered too young to be invited to the will reading. Whatever was spoken there the second time resulted in a great need to mold Akira into a Proper Lady. **]**

Akira looked upon her progress in silence before she noticed a few cobwebs she missed. She sighed and picked up the duster once more.

 **[** This branch of the Kurusu family wasn't as wealthy as the rest but they were comfortable. However, everyone had to follow the same rules. No exception. **]**

Sakura-san eventually came upstairs with a plate of food for her, a comment about the cleaning progress, and to announce that the two of them will be going to Shujin Academy tomorrow to finalize the transfer.

He went back downstairs and the bell by the door clanged. He didn't return. That was when Akira noticed how dark it was outside.

Exhaustion crept on her and she sat down on the bed.

 **[** Before they agreed on sending her to Tokyo, her father had fear in his eyes when her mother considered calling her husband's relatives.

No, that would not be an option. We'll try something else. **]**

The past month suddenly came crashing down. The Incident, the courtroom, the expulsion from her school, her mother's sobbing, friends either suddenly pretending they don't know who Kurusu Akira is or keeping an awkward distance away from her, _the whispers_...

And to top it all off, her arrival to a city where her guardian stashed her in an attic above his shop. Even he didn't want her in his actual house.

This, Akira realized, has to be rock bottom.

Alone and exhausted, she let it all go.

 **[** It would be easier for everyone if Kurusu Kanna never found out about this development. She would be insufferable about it until the end of time. **]**

It felt like Akira was crying for eternity but a quick check on her phone showed that only twenty minutes have passed.

Strangely, she felt better.

She then gained clarity on the situation.

If this was rock bottom, then why did Sakura-san give her a place to stay? He had even given her a map of the neighborhood. Across the street are a bathhouse and a laundromat. Downstairs there's a bathroom he didn't forbid her to use.

He had even given her dinner. He could've left her hungry for the night.

She was even going to a local school that accepted her despite her record.

No, this wasn't rock bottom. Not even close.

Perhaps, maybe, this was a second chance.

All she needs to do is climb upwards.

 **[** It's what, despite everything, Teruo had done. **]**

* * *

-MONTHS LATER ON THE SHIP-

"Shido-san is a wonderful man," said a masked old woman to another and Joker froze as she recognized the voice.

 _Grandmother._

"He had promised he'll look into my granddaughter's false arrest. He's even gotten that young detective to investigate. Akechi Goro, I think."

Joker felt a hand gently tap her shoulder. She turns to see Noir looking at her in concern.

"I have no need for Shido-san's...other services, however. Why break a mind when there are other ways to destroy someone?"

"Let's go," said Queen, noticing her leader's discomfort.

The Thieves moved forward in their search for the TV executive.

 **[** Kurusu Kanna wasn't stupid. She realized Shido's role in her granddaughter's arrest in September, two months after giving the man her support.

The rise of the Phantom Thieves and Akira's sudden transfer to Tokyo, where the Thieves operated, was just a coincidence. That's what most people would assume.

Kanna has connections. A couple of them were assigned to Akira the moment she found out where her granddaughter had gone. Choosing a public place like a station walkway was arrogantly foolish. Anyone can overhear.

She would not interfere. Let the child experience the consequences of her actions. Let her experience life.

Let her experience what revenging herself feels like. Kanna will take care of the rest. **]**

* * *

TL;DR - Y'know what our protagonist needs? An implied old money background.

Teruo, by the way, means 'shining man' (or at least according to a couple of websites it does). It kinda fits how Akira can mean 'bright' in some kanji readings. I would've gone with Hikaru but that felt too obvious somehow.

This was going to be shorter but Grandma Kurusu wanted to be more terrifying.


	18. Moon, reversed

Writer's block punched me in the face until I gave up on the previous idea for this chapter. I saved what I had so far so maybe I'll be able to post it in the future.

It's also the end of September and its beginning to look like I wont be finishing this story by the end of next month. *shrugs*

Anyway, here's a different take on dealing with Confidant rank 7!Mishima.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 18 - Moon, reversed

* * *

Mishima was getting that crazed look in his eyes again, Akira noted. Usually it was about that celebrity guy but lately the subject of his rants was the Phantom Thieves.

"Don't you get it?" Mishima hissed as Akira backed away from him, "if it weren't for me, the Phantom Thieves would be nothing. They wont be so well known if I didn't create the Phansite."

He stepped forward and grabbed her arm, "You owe me for everything I did for you."

"No I don't," said Akira, "let me go."

Mishima pulled her closer to him. In hindsight, meeting up with him in an area in Shinjuku that had a bunch of dark alleys wasn't a good idea.

"Yes you do. I tried so hard to make it up to you for the record leak and you wont -" He yelped as Akira's free hand slapped him in the face.

"W-what was that for?" he whined as he rubbed his reddening cheek. Holy shit she hits hard.

"You're being fucking creepy," she said and he stared at her in shock. She's swearing. She never swears. Or...at least not around him. "Chill the hell out, Mishima."

With him distracted, she flees.

"What are you going to do? Get the other Phantom Thieves and change my heart?" He shouts after her, "go ahead! Do your worst!"

* * *

The worst, it turns out, was her ignoring him. For several days, he would text and not get a reply. He tried to talk to her at school and she ignored him.

Takamaki wasn't much help. She just glanced at him two days in and shook her head.

* * *

"Did Kurusu and Mishima break up?" asked Takuya.

"Wait, they were dating?" Hiroshi looked confused, "I thought she was dating Sakamoto or something."

* * *

"Sakamoto! You gotta help me!" Mishima ran up to the bottle blonde teen.

"No can do, bro," said Ryuji nervously. He looked at his wrist as if looking at an invisible watch, "Oh look at the time. I'm almost late for the daily track team hazin'. Gotta go, bye." He fled down the stairs.

* * *

A loud hiss startles Mishima out of his gloomy thoughts four days in of The Silence as he crossed the gated threshold between school and the rest of the city. He looks up and sitting on the school wall was Kurusu's cat, Morgana.

Wow, it looks pissed off.

"What did I do?" he asks the cat.

The cat hissed in reply and seemed to glare at him.

"Is that the cat Kurusu carries around?" somebody whispered.

"Why is it hissing at Mishima?"

"Didn't you hear? Kurusu and Mishima got in some kind of argument. They haven't hung out all week."

"I hear Takamaki and Sakamoto are ignoring him."

"Really? I guess she threatened them into taking her side..."

"What dirt on Sakamoto does she have? Is he seriously that whipped?"

Morgana jumped down from the wall and hissed at Mishima again. His fur puffed up as if he was ready to attack.

Not wanting Kurusu to lose her cat or get in worse trouble (or both), he fled.

He didn't get to see how the cat immediately calmed down and casually walked up to a random student and meowed cutely at her. She cooed and petted the cat, delighted at how loudly it purred.

* * *

"Dude, what did Mishima do?" asked a student to Kurusu on Day 5.

"He knows what he did," she said ominously.

* * *

It was Saturday and they haven't spoken all week.

Resentment bubbled within him. He just wanted a reward for all of his hard work! Didn't Kurusu know how hard it is to maintain a website? Rather, a high traffic website like the Phansite? And the forums too! There was so much to do to keep it civilized as best as he could.

She's always telling him to sleep more. He can't do that. Justice never sleeps. Crime never sleeps. Therefore he should never sleep...much. His grades are still okay. They're not in the worrying range yet.

It's not like he's asking her to be his girlfriend or anything. Like, just a kiss. One kiss. That's fine, right?

He just wants something to go right with his shitty life as a Zero.

'Why don't you apologize?' a part of him suggested.

...Huh. Not a bad idea.

Unfortunately, he couldn't find her anywhere after school. She's not with Takamaki, Sakamoto, the Class President, or Okumura-senpai.

Maybe he should hang around where she lives and wait until she gets back.

Wait, where does she live? He doubts her other friends would tell him.

But maybe their homeroom teacher will?

He raced to the faculty office and his luck held. Kawakami-sensei tiredly looked up as he approached.

"Can I help you?" she queried.

"Do you know where Kurusu lives?" Mishima blurts out.

Kawakami-sensei blinks before sighing, "What makes you think I would know that?"

"I thought that as our homeroom teacher, you would?" Oh crap, this is not going as planned.

"So I guess the fight rumor is true," she muttered as she rubbed her forehead. Ugh, this is a pain.

"Y-you heard about that?" said Mishima as he watched Kawakami-sensei dig through a desk drawer.

"A school is like a small town," she replied, "everyone knows everyone. Nothing goes by without being gossiped. Ah, there it is." She pulls out a folder and opens it at an angle so only she can see the contents.

"Leblanc. Yongen-jaya. That's all you're getting."

* * *

Leblanc turned out to be a hole-in-the-wall cafe in a backstreet neighborhood. Across from it was a bathhouse and a laundromat. Further down the path was a bar.

A loud warning 'mrrrooow' came from above the cafe's awning. He looked up and saw Kurusu's cat watching him.

Yeah, he found the right place alright. Quickly, he entered the cafe as the cat yowled.

An older man manning the counter looked up and frowned as he heard the cat. The source of its ire is nervously approaching the counter.

"Erm, is Kurusu here?" the kid asked.

"Kid, what did you do to piss off Morgana?" the man greeted, catching him off guard.

"I-I didn't do anything! Kurusu-"

The man stared at the mousy-looking kid with suspicion, "Alright, what did you do that the cat doesn't want you near my ward?"

Oh crap. This guy is her guardian.

"We, uh," does he know what Kurusu is doing? Chances are, he doesn't.

A rebellious thought pops up. Tell him. Make her suffer.

But then what? Another thought arrives. What if she tells the wrong people (ie, the police) of his involvement?

"We had an argument the other day. She's been mad at me since then," Mishima finally says.

"And you came to apologize?"

"Yeah."

The cat mrrowed again. Mishima glanced at the door and noticed that it was at the door, glaring.

The man sighed, "Hate to say it, kid, but she's not here. But I'll tell her that you came by."

* * *

Mishima sat on his bed. Why the hell is Kurusu making this so hard? He gets it. He fucked up. So when could he apologize?

...Then again, he did say 'do you worst' and she delivered it.

At least her cat hasn't actually attacked him yet.

Frustrated, he runs a hand through his hair. How can he apologize?

More importantly, why should he?

At that thought, he suddenly had a rush of memories.

 _Sakamoto and Kurusu looking at him in worry after he said he hadn't slept in two days._

 _Takamaki, Kurusu, and Niijima-senpai (of all people) dragging him off to Harujuku. He was barely able to check the site that afternoon.  
_

 _Sakamoto handing him the maid cafe flyer the moment he started to look at his phone during the bread line rush._

 _Kurusu looking very alarmed at the fake gun Mishima purchased as a deterrent._

 _Kurusu increasingly becoming more and more uncomfortable whenever they hung out._

 _Sakamoto finding more excuses to not hang out._

 _Kurusu backing away from him with fear in her eyes as he demanded payment._

Holy shit. How did he not notice that the first time?

Oh, right, he grew mad with what little power over he had on his life.

He considered Sakamoto and Kurusu as his closest friends but his actions lately are driving them away.

He remembered that Kurusu told him once that the Thieves would discuss and then unanimously agree on a target. They don't just steal hearts willy-nilly. They also require proof of a potential target's misdeeds.

...Rumors of a celebrity is sometimes just that: rumors.

So why was he dead set on it?

Was it fame? The Phantom Thieves are pretty famous right now. They don't need help with that.

Well, he did call himself their manager. That's one way to get famous.

...And then get himself arrested as an accomplice and kiss all his future plans goodbye.

Yeah, that had been stupid of him. He was lucky he never went through the plan of declaring his status as the Phansite admin to the world at large.

Wow, no wonder his friends were worried about him.

He picked up his cell phone.

Mishima: Hey. Can we talk?

Mishima: Like, when we both got the time?

 _Kurusu is typing..._

It stayed like that for a minute. Mishima felt a little encouraged. If she was willing to humor him by pretending to type out a novel then perhaps he didn't epically screw up.

Kurusu: Tomorrow is fine.

Just like that, a veil of anxiety he didn't know he had on himself lifted.

He grinned.

Mishima: Okay! See you then!

* * *

And then they meet at the park, make up, hit rank 7 and move on with life.

I had an alternate ending idea where Mishima accidentally enters the metaverse when he visited the cafe and meets his Shadow but I was running out of steam by the end of the main chapter. I guess that could be its own thing someday. *shrugs*

Eh, I've been thinking of moving update days to Fridays. Maybe that would help with writer's block. :O So next week will be a trial run which means next chapter will be posted on October 7th.


	19. How to Survive Superpowered Nerds

Okay, its been 18 chapters and none of them contain Akira actually dragging people to watch anime with her and other fangirl-y things. Instead, I characterize her Public Face as a Serious Academic Type and now she has a grandmother who may be Shido Lite. I guess that's what I get when I go by the 'just wing it' philosophy of writing.

Also, there's vague Wedding Peach spoilers in here. I wasn't sure I should give the heads up since it's only my parody giving reference to it buuuut there may be some people attempting to watch the anime so um yeah.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 19 - How to Survive Superpowered Nerds: A Guide by Ryuji Sakamoto

* * *

 **Method 1: Get Others To Suffer With You**

"There's an anime about magical maids?" said Mishima as he returned from the kitchen to see Sakamoto and Kurusu commandeering his living room TV. Kurusu seemed to barely contain her excitement and Sakamoto was eying the remote by Kurusu's left hand.

"I guess," said Sakamoto distractedly.

"Oh thank goodness this channel does reruns," cheered Kurusu, "I missed three episodes because Morgana wanted me to sleep instead of staying up for another half-hour."

"You mean...your cat?" asked Mishima as he looked down at Kurusu's bag. It seemed a bit deflated today.

"Yes," said Kurusu, "now shush I want to watch."

Ten minutes later, she looked completely engrossed in moe girls dressed as maids who fight the forces of evil.

"This is cheesy," Mishima muttered.

"I've seen cheesier," Sakamoto replied, resigned. He looked down and found that the remote was moved to Kurusu's lap.

He can't blindly grab for it because it'll look like he's trying to cop a feel. He can't keep staring at the remote because it's right in her lap and she'll think he's being a pervert. He can't also try to grab the remote in general because he'll most likely suffer her wrath.

'Well played,' he thought.

A couple of weeks later, Mishima dragged the two of them into a scheme of calling up a maid service. It was the most awkward thing ever.

Mishima would later text him to confess that he brought Akira along because he'd assumed that she has a thing for maids and if it was _that_ kind of maid service then at least one of them would get laid, right?

...Until it turned out that the maid that came over suspiciously sounded like Kawakami-sensei. Then it just became awkward and another thing to add to the 'never again even if paid' pile.

* * *

 **Method 2: Sic the Mom Friend on the Offender**

"There's going to be an anime convention in town," Akira announced during lunch.

"Uh, yeah, there's always a convention," said Ryuji as he belatedly recognized the feeling of impending doom.

"We should go," Akira said ominously.

"Um..." Ryuji and Ann glanced at each other, as if wondering who would be the one sacrificed for The Greater Good.

"Haru-senpai knows a great seamstress. We could cosplay. I'm thinking...Devil.N.A."

At that moment, Makoto chose to appear. Ann stealthily put away her phone.

"Exams start next Monday," she announced darkly, "You should be studying this weekend."

"But-" Ryuji started.

" _Study_ ," she said with a glare that promised great pain.

"Y-yes, Makoto," all three of her underclassmen chorused.

" _Good_."

* * *

 **Method 3: Don't Panic When the Mom Friend Has Their Otaku Moment  
**

"So where is this arcade?" asked Makoto as the group entered Akihabara.

"A couple of stores down from the maid cafe," Ryuji replied.

"Maid cafe?" said Ann.

"It's service is terrible and the food is expensive," Akira interrupted, "so no, Yusuke, we're not going there."

Yusuke closed his mouth, surprised that his suggested was shot down before he could speak it.

"Oh my gosh!" yelped Futaba as she stopped by a store window, "this place has vintage stuff!"

"That could mean anything," said Makoto skeptically.

"Yeah but I can see a video card I wanted to get last year but it was way too expensive for Sojiro's taste. Oh, what's this? Bunki...Bunchi...eh..."

"Buchimaru?" Makoto swiveled around at the spot and ran over to the window. She could see old plush toys in the background.

And then suddenly, she squealed, alarming her underclassmen as she ran inside the shop. They all stared at the store's door.

"...What was that?" Morgana finally spoken the one question on their minds as he emerged from Akira's bag.

"Looks like Queen is a closet fan," snickered Futaba.

"What a fascinating reveal," said Yusuke as he peered into the window. His eyes widened.

"That paint set...!" he gasped, "it's for sale for 30,000 yen!"

He too ran inside.

The remaining Thieves looked at one another and shrugged.

"Might as well," sighed Ann as she calmly entered the shop.

A moment later her yell was heard from outside: "Oh my god! This dress has _pockets!_ "

"Screw it, I'm going in," said Futaba. She grabbed Akira's arm, "Let's go, Key Item!"

Ryuji stood alone outside for another minute.

"Eff it."

He opened the shop door and entered as well.

* * *

 **Method - Fuck It, You've Lost Control of Your Life Anyway. Just Give In.  
**

 _"No! Lord Flare, don't go!" yelled the boy on the screen._

 _Lord Flare tiredly turned to his human servant and weakly ruffled his hair with a clawed hand, "You were an excellent landlord, Tsukasa. But alas, Angel Pear has evicted me and I rather die than allow myself spout mindless drivel about love."_

 _"B-but I need you!" Tsukasa clasped his hands over Lord Flare's and looked at him with pleading eyes._

Ryuji paused the video in disbelief. Lately things got too busy for everyone and so Akira had less time to drag his reluctant ass to watch anime with her. He just got around to catching up on _Angel Pear_ (a much better title given to _Angel of Love and Justice Momochan_ when it was released overseas, in his opinion) on his own.

"Dude," he groaned, "Lord Flare has been an asshole to you this whole time. Why do you even want him to stay?" He unpaused the video.

 _"Tsukasa," said Angel Pear hesitantly, as if realizing that she is the Beldon in this increasingly homoerotic Monster and the Beauty situation. "I'm sorry but he's a demon and they don't-"_

 _"I don't care!" shouted Tsukasa, "You...you can heal him, right?"_

 _"That's what I just did."_

 _"She healed me with the power of love," gritted out Lord Flare, as if in pain, "Thanks, I hate it."_

 _And then the music swelled dramatically as he burst into butterflies. It was at that moment when Lord Flare's follower, Della, arrived. She watched in horror as the butterflies scattered before fading away._

 _She shrieked in grief and Tsukasa collapsed in tears._

This anime tried so hard to be dramatically sad it made the scene ridiculous. It was hard taking it seriously before but now its almost unbearable. The way it also romanticized staying with your asshole boyfriend even if you know he's an asshole pissed off Ryuji to no end.

Before he closed the Viewtube tab, he noticed a suggested video on the page.

'Trailer to the upcoming Angel Pear remake! Starts in February 2016!'

...Well, it couldn't be worse than this right? He'll try one episode.

[THREE DAYS LATER]

"What are you humming?" asked Ann as she, Ryuji, Akira browsed the vending machines in the school courtyard. Rumor has it that there's a new type of drink added to one of the vending machines on school property and the three of them decided to investigate.

Ryuji looked away from his machine and to Ann, "What?"

"You were humming something," she said before attempting to mimic the song. She got it half-right but it was enough for Ryuji to cringe and look very interested in the vending machines.

They both missed Akira smirking as she overheard them.

* * *

Expectations: Haha! With the updates moved to a different day of the week, I can write all the things! Victory is mine!

Reality: Writing feels less stressful this time. I should repeat this to see if I get similar results.

Anyway, Section 3 was going to be longer and one edit had the awesome store of awesome as a weird portal to the Metaverse that lures you in with something that appeals to you. But that seemed too fantastical so that got cut. So instead, its most likely a thrift store that just moved in.

(I wish there was a remake to Wedding Peach. If Sailor Moon, the anime it kinda ripped off from, got a remake then why can't Wedding Peach?)


	20. The King

20 chapters in four and a half-ish months. Wow.

Anyway, here's Shinya.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 20 - The King

* * *

-August 2nd, 20XX-

"No offense, but you look like you need a break," said Mishima as he and Kurusu meet up that afternoon in Akihabara. Kurusu's arms and face were tinged pink. He frowned as he poked her right arm, "when did you get a sunburn?"

"...Flower shop job." That earned her an incredulous look.

"The flower shop that's at the mall?" he specified.

"Yes," Kurusu deadpanned.

"The mall that's underground?"

Kurusu frowned. The sunburn on her cheeks made it difficult to tell if she was actually blushing.

"There's a rooftop batting cage in my neighborhood and I spent a few hours yesterday discovering I am terrible at it," she confessed.

Mishima shook his head, amused, "What, were you dodging instead of hitting the balls?"

She glared at him in response. Mishima raised his hands in surrender, "Alright, my bad! Let's move on. Wanna know why we're in Akihabara?"

"Are we doing overpriced maids again?" asked Kurusu. Is this his idea of revenge after they made up from that argument last month?

"Nah. We're going to do the arcade."

"We couldn't do that in Shibuya?"

Mishima shook his head, "The King only goes to this arcade. Its like his territory."

"The King?" Okay, maybe it is his revenge.

"Of Gun About! It's a first person shooter," he added at Kurusu's blank look. "Um, have you played video games before?"

"Not since I was ten and my parents decided it was not 'ladylike behavior.'" Since then she hadn't been able to keep up with Spleen Republic. Surely the third entry in the series has been released by now, right?

"That sucks," Mishima opined before shrugging, "well, arcade games aren't that hard. Most of the time, all you need is reflexes and a couple of buttons. And," he added with a grin, "you don't have to worry getting hit in the face if you miss."

"I didn't get hit," Kurusu protested before sighing, "Can't we just drop this and move on?"

Oh crap, he's messing this up again, "S-sure! It's just a couple of stores away from the cafe."

He watched her walk away and sighed. He caught up with her and said "I suck at this. You'd think if you guys changed my heart, I would be a better friend."

Kurusu paused as she entered the arcade, confused. "The Phantom Thieves didn't change your heart. You did it yourself."

Mishima was more confused than she was, "Um...how?"

"I'll tell you later. Right now, we're - Ah!" she ran towards the claw machines that contained anime dolls that resembled that forum meme, "They have Zyogi dolls!"

"Kurusu-"

"Go on without me," she activated the machine and began her battle with luck and probability, "this might take awhile."

"Um, right." Mishima knew there was no arguing with her when her secret obsession was in sight. He turned around a Train of Life cabinet to the center of the arcade where Gun About was stationed.

The King wasn't there.

Well, this is embarrassing. Mishima wondered if he should convince Kurusu that they were better leaving and going...somewhere. Destinyland? Nah, kind of expensive.

He considered playing a round of Gun About but what if the King arrives and wants to play as well? Could he handle playing aside them?

In the end, Mishima settled on Skinner Box 4: Battle In The Pavlov Ring. He ended up getting engrossed into it and shit, now he wants to look up this series later.

He checks his phone and discovers that nearly two hours have passed. Oh crap. He was about to go and check the claw machines but there was a large crowd surrounding Gun About. The King!

He pushes through the crowd and eventually emerges in the inner circle.

...Kurusu and a grade schooler were playing against each other.

"Dodge!" shouted the kid.

"I'm trying, sensei," Kurusu replied, "but it looks like I'm surrounded." She wildly points her gun all over the screen.

The last her health bar drops and the words 'GAME OVER' appears on the game screen.

"She lasted three levels with the King," someone in the crowd whispers.

"Surely the King would've picked someone better at video games," another whisper reaches Mishima's hearing.

The kid readjusts his hat (which Mishima realizes that it says 'Get Smoked' in English) and frowns as he listens to the crowd, "Che. You got a lot better this time, greenhorn."

"Thank you, sensei," said Kurusu. She then notices Mishima, "Where were you?"

"Skinner Box 4," Mishima stepped forward before pausing and doing a double take on the kid, "Wait, you're the King?"

"Yeah, everyone knows that," huffed the guy next to Mishima.

"I thought he'd be..."

"If you say 'taller' I will ban you," growled the King.

"N-never mind!"

The King 'tch'ed and announced, "Again!"

He and Kurusu simultaneously entered yen into the cabinets and began a new round. Mishima found himself in awe as he watched the King wiped out opponents without wasting shots.

Kurusu was apparently improving this time by managing to avoid the ambush trap and was rewarded by given entry to level four.

"Excellent," the King approved, "now is time for our next lesson. Playing against other players online."

Their avatars entered an arena filled with other players.

Suddenly, they all vanished. A figure blurred by and a red dot grew larger as it approached the screen.

Both players' health bars dropped to zero. Game over.

"What was that?" asked Kurusu.

"That bastard!" growled the King.

"Ugh, it's that asshole again," someone commented.

"The cheater? You'd think the creators would've banned them a long time ago."

"You did better," the King groaned, "but it looks like we'll stop for today."

The crowd expressed its disappointment and began to break up.

* * *

-LATER THAT NIGHT-

In his room, Mishima grabbed his phone and texted.

Mishima: You had fun today?

Kurusu: Yeah. It was different.

Mishima: You looked like you needed it.

Kurusu: I did?

Mishima: Yeah. Is Medjed harder to deal with than you thought?

Kurusu: We may have found someone who can help us but first we need to do them a favor. It's...taking longer to do than planned.

Mishima: That sucks.

Mishima: How did King become your teacher anyway?

Kurusu: He saw me losing at Gun About and decided to take pity on me.

Mishima: Oh.

Mishima: Well, you looked you were kicking ass on the last try before that asshole showed up.

Mishima: Do you think the Phantom Thieves can stop him?

Kurusu: I don't even know if they can.

[UNKNOWN]: I can!

Mishima paused mid-type. What the?

Mishima: Whose this?

Kurusu: The Phantom Thieves' current employer

Mishima: What?

[UNKNOWN]: Done! Now you can procrastinate to your heart's content!

Mishima's phone beeped, indicating that there's a new message for the Gun About app. He opened it and gasped.

A message was displayed on the app's screen:

I, ALIBABA, HAVE CONCLUDED MY INVESTIGATION AND HAVE BROUGHT JUDGEMENT.

NEJIMA YOSHIKUNI, YOU HAVE BEEN FOUND GUILTY OF CHEATING AND HACKING INTO THE SYSTEM TO THE POINT IT ALMOST COLLAPSED.

FOR THIS I BAN YOU FROM GUN ABOUT.

IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO RELEASE OTHER DETAILS LIKE SAY YOUR HOME ADDRESS, I SUGGEST YOU GET A LIFE.

Mishima's phone vibrated again. It was from Kurusu.

Kurusu: Mishima?

Kurusu: What did Alibaba do?

Mishima: They threatened to dox the cheater.

Mishima: As in, release all of their personal info and stuff online.

Mishima: Turns out their name is Nejima Yoshikuni if the Phantom Thieves are interested.

[UNKNOWN]: Do me first!

Kurusu: We're working on it.

Mishima: How'd you get my number anyway?

[UNKNOWN]: I have my ways.

Mishima: ...Creepy.

* * *

This chapter was a pain in the ass all week but I got through. At one point, I had a draft where Mishima continues teasing Akira about her baseball skills until a conveniently placed maid is like 'dude that's harsh' and it felt like it derailed things.

So in the end, Futaba does her own Phantom Thief entrance exam and Shinya is introduced before the cheater side-quest.

...Come to think of it, that probably gave Nejima his own palace. Whoops.

As for this week's references:

Me: What kind of dumb name can I give for a Kingdom Hearts knock off?

Me: ...Now that I typed 'spleen,' I kinda regret this.

Zyogi is supposed to be a reference to Kyubey from Puella Magi Magica Madoka.

Does making an in-universe version of Persona games in a Persona fic count as a paradox?


	21. Social Mishaps

This week: Some short scenes because we've been doing yard work all week and this kills the energy reserved for writing

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 21 - Social Mishaps

* * *

 **1\. Black Ivory**

[August 17th, 20XX]

Sojiro looked up as the cafe bell rung to see it was his ward returning home.

She looked...shell shocked.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned. The only customer in the shop, a man in a suit who started coming by a month ago, looked up from his spot in the booth area before returning to his meal. Well, the girl didn't seem injured. It wasn't his business, then.

"Elephants," Akira said, distantly.

"Elephants?" parroted Sojiro.

"Did you know there's a coffee where they feed the beans to elephants?" Akira said, walking over to the cafe's coffee grounds and beans shelf. She grabbed a bag of grounded hazelnut and headed over to the coffee drip machine.

"Yeah?" He's heard about that. Pretty expensive for a teen on a part-time job. "Where did you get it?"

"Haru-senpai." Ah, that one. The possibly rich girl who came by one time to drop off a textbook Akira accidentally left behind at her home. She was accompanied by a scowling man who would refer to her as 'Okumura-sama.'

Also for reason she's teaching his ward French. Some of the pages in her probation diary is littered with the language and the fact that Akira would in turn help her senpai with the school's garden club amused both Sojiro and her case worker.

Even though his ward is acting as though she found a dead body, she is following the method Sojiro taught her. The smell of hazelnuts wafts throughout the cafe.

"So...how was it?"

"I told her 'thanks, you can really taste the elephant,'" said Akira. It then occurred to her what she just said and she became mortified, "Oh god, why did I do that?!"

She poured the hazelnut coffee into a cup, "I'll be upstairs."

As Sojiro watched her run upstairs, he suddenly felt grateful that he was too old to care about worrying about what others thought of him.

The only customer in the cafe coughed in a way that meant he was disguising a laugh.

* * *

 **2\. Mother knows best...?**

"Ryuji-chan?" Rei Sakamoto stuck her head into her son's room, "dinner's ready."

"Gah!" yelped Ryuji and he immediately tried to cover his hands over the TV, as if it would hide the fact that he was watching G.I. Celestia.

His mother smiled, "Oh, I haven't seen that since I was a girl."

"I-it's a...a reboot!" stammered Ryuji.

"Neat," said Rei.

"I-I'm just watchin' this because Akira's into this kinda stuff!" Ryuji flailed.

The smile on his mother's seemed to have gotten bigger as she clapped her hands together, "That's so sweet, Ryuji-chan! Akira-san is so lucky to have you as a boyfriend."

Teasing done, she calmly shuts the door and waits for a few seconds before her son yells, "SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND, MOM!"

* * *

 **3\. Freaking Mara Again**

The sleazy producer's Shadow burst into red and black goo and reformed itself.

The party cringed as the Shadow revealed itself to be a Mara.

Joker smirked and ripped off her mask to reveal her own.

"Wow," Oracle snickered, "yours is a lot bigger than his."

Mara seemed to shine with pride...or at least they all hope it was pride.

Joker looked up at her Persona and then looked up at the enemy Shadow, that seemed to be...wilting.

"Huh," she said before smirking, "you're right."

* * *

 **4\. Sleep talking**

[October 13, 20XX]

"Mmmm...Lady Ann...yeah...right there..." mumbled Morgana in Mishima's lap. Mishima was invited to a study session and so far its been ordinary teen despair about the incoming exams.

He thought it would involve some sort of Phantom Thieves plotting but then again, with the cafe owner watching them from the corner of his eye, maybe that wasn't a good idea.

That and it might result in everyone arrested.

Instead, the cat decided to sleep on his lap and the way he was meowing in his sleep seemed as though he was dreaming about something. The alleged Phantom Thieves would giggle sometimes at the cat's sleep meowing.

"My goodness...sushi _there?_ "

"Ah," said Kitagawa-san, who goes to Kosei and yet joined the study session anyway, "it sounds like a food dream."

"How can you tell?" asked Mishima.

Kitagawa-san blinked, as if remembering Mishima is there. He then shrugged, "it's a guess."

Morgana then yelped, "THE TREASURE IS INSIDE THE MOUNTAIN," jerked his limbs so hard he lost his balance and fell under the booth table. A surprised yowl was heard.

He ran upstairs with the air that he totally meant to do that as the humans in the cafe laughed.

* * *

 **5\. Noir's Horror Movie Immunity (non-canon)**

"This labyrinth is cute," chirped Noir as she readjusted her axe.

"Are you kidding me?" squeaked Yukari, "who goes into a haunted house and see it as cute?"

"Shhh, Yukatan," whispered Junpei, "Don't let her hear you."

"Ah," said Aigis, unaffected by the party's surroundings, "is this an example of a 'yandere'?"

* * *

1\. Black Ivory Coffee is indeed a brand of coffee harvested from elephant dung. As of October 18, 2017*, the price per cup is $50 (or 5,650.36 yen) and per kilogram is $1,800 (203,412.82 yen). You can mostly find it in a few five-star hotels in Thailand and the Maldives but there's a website that can sell some to you.

*In terms of currency exchange rates between the US dollar and the Japanese yen

I forget if Sojiro is also the MC's probation officer. Either way, there's probably somebody he has to report to once in a while.

2\. I'm sorry but its so fun to tease Ryuji. Also naming his mom Rei because why not.

3\. And then I remembered about the Mementos boss that's a Mara. LET'S HUMILIATE IT.

4\. I'm surprised this hasn't actually happened in canon.

5\. This one was going to be part of a PQ1 + P5 fic (not PQ2 because I'm hoping that one isn't going to be just PQ1 with Persona 5 added in) but writer's block kicked that one into the back burner so its not going to exist anytime soon. But since chapter 10 of THIS story is pretty much 'Persona Q+Persona 5 but the leaders are girls' I decided to throw it in here.

Haru gives me that vibe she's a horror movie buff so she'll just go around being all 'what an adorable FOE' at the SURPRISE DEMON BABIES THAT DROP DOWN FROM THE FREAKING CEILING AND CHASE AFTER YOU WHAT THE HELL GAME

(And that's why I haven't touched the game in weeks)


	22. Moon, Upright (NON-CANON)

I actually finished this last night but got distracted by netflix.

Unfortunately, I'm skipping next week. The chapter I had planned needs more work on it whoops.

So here's an alternate ending for chapter 18.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 22 - Moon, Upright [NON-CANON]

* * *

 **[** Leblanc turned out to be a hole-in-the-wall cafe in a backstreet neighborhood. Across from it was a bathhouse and a laundromat. Further down the path was a bar.

A loud warning 'mrrrooow' came from above the cafe's awning. Mishima looked up and saw Kurusu's cat watching him.

Yeah, he found the right place alright. Quickly, he entered the cafe as the cat yowled.

An older man manning the counter looked up and frowned as he heard the cat. The source of its ire is nervously approaching the counter.

"Erm, is Kurusu here?" the kid asked.

"Kid, what did you do to piss off Morgana?" the man greeted, catching him off guard.

"I-I didn't do anything! Kurusu-"

The man stared at the mousy-looking kid with suspicion, "Alright, what did you do that the cat doesn't want you near my ward?"

Oh crap. This guy is her guardian.

"We, uh," does he know what Kurusu is doing? Chances are, he doesn't.

A rebellious thought pops up. Tell him. Make her suffer.

But then what? Another thought arrives. What if she tells the wrong people (ie, the police) of his involvement?

"We had an argument the other day. She's been mad at me since then," Mishima finally says.

"And you came to apologize?"

"Yeah."

The cat mrrowed again. Mishima glanced at the door and noticed that it was at the door, glaring.

The man sighed, "Hate to say it, kid, but she's not here. But I'll tell her that you came by." **]**

Mishima wanted to believe him. Maybe she isn't. Doesn't she have multiple part-time jobs? One time last month, he saw Kurusu in several places on the same day. First the flower shop at the mall, then the convenience store, and then the beef bowl restaurant...

His stomach gurgled at the thought of food. He blushed as the cafe owner noticed the sound and sighed once more.

"It would be rude to turn away a potential customer when they're hungry," the older man muttered before asking, "Would you like some curry?"

And now that he said it, Mishima realized that he could indeed smell curry cooking away. His parents will be getting home late tonight anyway so he might as well have an early dinner.

And so he relents and sits at the counter. In the corner of his eye, Morgana was no longer glaring into the cafe. Instead, he just leaped onto the awning, probably waiting to pounce on him the moment he exits the building.

Curry eaten, Mishima leaves his payment and exits the cafe.

And then experiences sudden vertigo and his vision melts into various purple shades before snapping back to normal.

Mishima blinks and takes a deep breath to calm himself. What was _that?_

Was it the curry? The cafe owner, who insisted on being referred to as 'Boss,' said that he was trying out a spicier version of his usual dish. Apparently Kurusu had been experimenting lately and had finally perfected the Fire Curry. And today he was the 'lucky' winner to try it out.

Maybe he was just a light weight when it comes to spice.

Mishima entered the train station and stopped in his tracks.

Why is the lobby so red?

...Maybe it was always like that here and he didn't notice when he arrived to Yongen-jaya.

That thought didn't sound reassuring but perhaps it was the curry again.

And then Mishima went down the escalator and everything got weirder.

A black van with a tail was on the tracks waiting as various costumed figures entered it. It then sped down the tracks.

In the distance, he heard...something roar before it was suddenly silenced.

This is definitely the curry messing with his head.

Curiosity kicked in. If he's hallucinating, then how much weirder could it get?

And the more he thought about it, the red suited figure had familiar blonde pigtails.

Holy shit, that may have been the Phantom Thieves...if he's not hallucinating seeing them.

...

Fuck it, he's going to go follow them. Mishima climbed down on the platform and followed the subway tracks.

The tunnels turned out to be badly lighted and the only colors he can make out is black and red. And was that a wail in the distance he just heard?

...What is that approaching him?

It stood under an overhead light which revealed a humanoid...thing with many faces.

And judging from the way it's growling, he should probably run now.

The flight response kicked in and he fled into the unknown until he couldn't hear the growls or the heavy stomps anymore.

Pausing for breath, Mishima looked around.

The good news is that there's no more monsters in the area.

The bad news is that he has no idea where the hell he is now. The best he can make out is that one end is where he came from and the other is a dead end with a weird...swirly...thing that seems to twist the tunnel walls.

Almost like it's a portal.

Well then, it could lead to a way of getting out of wherever the hell he is or certain death.

A rattling sound like chains entered his hearing and the air suddenly felt cold as the hair on the back of his neck rose.

Mishima turned to see a tall monster covered in chains and wielding a shot gun in both arms.

"Me see you..." the monster groaned, "Me want to hear your screams..."

Right, Schrödinger's Portal it is. He leaped through it while the monster roared in rage as its quarry escaped.

Mishima found himself in a room. The swirly portal thing was behind him. The other side of the room contained a human like figure covered in a dark aura.

Mishima took one step and flinched as he heard a loud scrape noise as his foot displaced some dirt on the cement. The noise alerted the other person and they turned.

Holy shit. It's-

"You're me," Mishima gasped.

"Yes," said his double, his voice echoing in the room. It sounded...unearthly. Like there was a bunch of him speaking at once.

And his double's yellow eyes glowed.

"What are you?" Mishima asked nervously.

"I am a Shadow," the other Mishima replied, "I am your true self. I feel what you feel. I know what you know."

"Y-you do?"

"Yes," the Shadow nodded, "I know we've pissed off Kurusu and she wont speak to us. She's even gotten other people on her side too."

"Yeah," Mishima agreed.

"How can we be the manager of the Phantom Thieves if they rebel against us? Without the Phansite, they're nothing. They would've been nothing but one hit wonders." The Shadow paced back and forth as it voiced Mishima's thoughts.

"As long as they are in the spotlight, we get to be more than a Zero," it ranted, "And they...they want to take it away from us!"

"I know!" said Mishima, "and we've worked so hard at it too!"

"And we've been working so hard to apologize to _her_!"

"Kurusu-san knew we were forced to release her record," Mishima added.

"The phansite, the trips to Akihabara...we just wanted to make her happy!"

"Yeah!...wait," Mishima blinked, "what?"

"Why wont she notice us?" wailed the Shadow.

"I...thought we made the Phansite to help people?"

The Shadow continued to rant, not listening. His grievances started to include other people. Kamoshida. Their parents. Guilt over Suzui. Everyone who called him a Zero.

And as Mishima stood there, he started to wonder maybe Kurusu was right to avoid him.

"What was that?" The Shadow growled.

Oh crap. Did he say that out loud?

"Yes," said a deep male voice coming from behind him.

Double crap.

He noticed how embarrassed his Shadow looked and he turn around to see the source.

It was five people plus what looks like a cartoon cat. All dressed up in costume.

And judging from the knife spinning in the hand of the one in the trench coat, they have weapons and know how to use them.

"Oh look, it's the Phantom Thieves," sneered his Shadow, "Are you here to change my heart?"

"How long have you been there?" yelped Mishima.

"Since something about Zeros?" said the one with the spiky shoulder pads.

"It looks like you're changing your own heart by yourself," said the cat.

"Indeed," said Fox Mask Guy, who was the source of the interrupting voice earlier, "I believe you were saying something about someone being right to avoid you?"

"Um," said Knife and Trenchcoat. Wow, they sound familiar.

The Shadow narrowed its eyes at them, "You."

"Yes?" The knife twirled again in their gloved hand.

"You should stay. The others need to leave. The three of us need to talk."

"Okay," was the reply.

"J-Joker!" yelped the cat.

"Are you nuts?" said Red suit.

"I'll be fine," said the trenchcoated Joker, "I could always sic Mara on him."

"Dude," shuddered Skull Mask, "that's effin' harsh."

"We'll be waiting for your return," Fox Mask decided. As if convinced that whatever Mara is could handle it.

They all jumped in the portal, leaving Mishima, his Shadow, and Joker behind.

They all stared at each other for a minute before Joker clapped their red gloved hands.

"Well!" They said out loud, voice sounding more feminine as the acoustics in the room echoed it around, "where were you?"

"This is all your fault," the Shadow growled at Joker.

"How so?" asked Mishima.

"Before you came along, I know what my role in life was. I was supposed to be the guy everyone dunked on. I accepted that I was a zero and I embraced it."

Joker stood still and nodded for the Shadow to continue.

"But then I realized you were one of the Phantom Thieves and it was like everything had changed," it raised its arms into the air, "you just had to get close to me!"

It ran its fingers through its hair, "Just seeing a real-life hero doing amazing stuff made me wish I could be something more. I want to change society too! I want the world to notice me!"

Mishima nodded in agreement. This rant felt more thought out and coherent this time.

"If I can make the Phantom Thieves famous, then I could be famous too!"

Joker tilted their head, "But would that truly satisfy you?"

Mishima raised a hand and opened his mouth but no sound could come out.

Huh. Maybe they had a point.

His shadow sulked, "I'm not sure, Kurusu, but I don't have a choice! I don't have any special powers like you! Nobody pays attention to me! That's why I need you guys! How else am I supposed to make a name for myself!"

It sighed, "I know it's wrong...but if I can't get into the spotlight now, then when will I?"

"Wait," Mishima interrupted, "You're Kurusu?"

"Yes," said Joker.

Sensing his mortification, his shadow cringed, "You're here to kick our asses, right? Just bring it on already!"

Kurusu shook her head.

"Why not?" whined the Shadow, "Don't you want to change my heart?"

"You were doing fine without me," said Kurusu.

"You already stole my heart though!" declared the Shadow.

Skull Mask Guy, who was busy sneaking back in to room cringed in sympathy.

"I've been nice!"

Mishima cringed, "Wow that sounds creepy."

"No offense man," called out Skull Mask, "but yeah. Creepy." He flings a smoke bomb and in the confusion, he grabs Kurusu and they flee.

The smoke cleared and it was just Mishima and his Shadow again.

"...Were we really being creepy?"

Mishima looked back at the argument that started this mess.

How Kurusu looked increasingly uncomfortable as they hung out in front of a dark alley. How she kept looking for escape routes.

How terrified she looked as he demanded payment and tried pulling her close to him. In front a dark alley.

"Yeah," Mishima realized, "We were."

Come to think of it, she also looked freaked out when he pulled out the fake gun in the diner.

And Sakamoto lately would find an excuse not to hang out.

His Shadow sighed.

"We really fucked up didn't we?"

"Yeah..."

"We don't...really need to be famous that bad, right?"

"I guess?"

"I mean, if we reveal we know who the Phantom Thieves are, we'd get arrested," the Shadow realized. It was already starting to fade.

"Huh," Mishima murmured, "good point."

"Maybe we should stick to the shadows for now."

"I guess," shrugged Mishima.

"I mean, it would've been cool if we became a Phantom Thief too."

"Yeah, it would," Mishima agreed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"That settles it. I art thou. Thou art I," confused Mishima looked back at his Shadow and saw that it was transforming into a mask that flew right up to his face before he could make out the details of it. Mishima felt his face and found the mask there. He was about to pull it off before a voice in his head interrupted him.

 **Not yet** , it said. **It's not the time. We need to get out of here first.**

Mishima nodded and jumped through the portal where a van full of surprised Phantom Thieves were waiting.

Perhaps someday he'll come back to this place.

...If this wasn't actually the weirdest curry-induced hallucination ever, that is.

* * *

Aaand I'm stopping here. Mishima's adventures as a Phantom Thief will happen as a standalone one-shot as soon as I can think up a decent 'starter' Persona and his thief outfit that would actually fit him instead of just going 'eh, Jesse James I guess?'. Idk, Anansi sounds like a good idea for an ultimate Persona. It's spider-themed because the Internet's other name is the World Wide Web and the Phansite acts like his web that catches knowledge and wow this sounds stupid now that I've typed it up.


	23. A New Look

So uh, the longass chapter I was writing has been pushed back because it more or less sets up the end of the story. Luckily its currently 75% done and will probably show up maybe five chapters from now if I don't add in more side stories.

And then I made the mistake of spending this week watching the extended version of the Lord of the Rings film trilogy and now I have tripped into the fandom rabbit hole whoops.

Anyway, recent hindsight research tells me that human hair grows at like half an inch a month. So uh, Akira's end game hair length (from chin length resembling a 'girl version' of the MC's canon look in November to an inch above shoulders after release in February) is kinda implausible. So yeah, another thing to deal with when I someday decide to edit this fic. Perhaps charts will be involved.

As for this chapter: Probably unnecessary set up chapter for bits involving The Interrogation (which was last seen in chapter 8). Not really happy about how it turned out but it's done.

* * *

Magical Gentlewoman Phantom Thief Joker-chan

By Bilbo-sama

Chapter 23 - A New Look

* * *

 **-November 7th-**

Akira: Akechi gave me the worst set of options ever earlier.

Akira: 1. Sleep with him and hope for the best

Ann: ...What.

Akira: 2. Don't sleep with him and hope for the best.

Akira: I chose 2. He seemed...relieved about that. Maybe.

Futaba: Congrats you encountered an event flag.

Akira: Worst rank 7 ever.

Ann: Again, what.

 **-November 8th-**

Futaba: I'm getting worried.

Futaba: If Joker gets caught, they will interrogate her.

Futaba: They'll probably use every method ever.

Makoto: ...I doubt they'll go too far.

Ryuji: But if Akechi is working for someone, wouldn't the cops in charge of Akira work for Akechi's boss too?

Ryuji: And like, whoever that asshole is wont give a shit about actual justice and shit.

Haru: ...If Akira looks like a guy, will she be okay?

Ryuji: Probably?

 **-November 10th-**

"Hey, sensei," says Akira between rounds of Gun About.

"Yeah?" Shinya looks up his pupil.

"Do you know any kids willing to gum up my hair?"

Shinya frowns, "Why do you want that?"

"I'm going to need a disguise soon. Can't reveal details out in the open but, uh, wigs are expensive and my hair will grow back...eventually."

"...I'll see what I can do," Shinya said while wondering why girls, even if they are Phantom Thieves, are so weird.

 **-Two days later-**

Akira was reviewing the scratch card she got from the lottery stand.

According to the guide on the back of it, three rice bowls means...1,000 yen. So basically she got her money back and a little bit extra.

"There she is!" a kid's voice shouts out.

And then suddenly a swarm of elementary school kids surrounded the bench she was sitting on.

When questioned later, witnesses say that the kids were all shouting about 'the king' and 'down with lame tutors!' before they all scrambled. The teen girl on the bench was left sputtering in confusion.

"What was that all about?" she said aloud.

"Oh my, miss!" said an old woman. "Your hair!"

"My hair?" said Akira as she touches the top of her head. Her face scrunches in disgust as she feels something sticky. "What the-"

"Here," said a college student as she hands over a pocket mirror.

To Akira's horror, her head was covered in gum. It all stretched as she undid her bun. She wasn't sure how it was possible but it seemed to spread.

"Kids these days are so rude," said the elderly woman.

"I know a hair salon nearby," said the college student

"Thank you," said Akira, voice quivering.

"I'll show you where it is," the college offered.

"What a tragedy," opined the old woman as she walked away.

The stylist at the salon did her best to clean out the gum but in the end she had to cut off the affected hair.

The result was that Akira's hair was shortened to her chin. It will take months for her hair to grow back to as it was before the gum incident. Already she can see some strands trying to curl in random directions.

Akira paid the stylist and decided to head home. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and typed a 'thanks' message to Shinya.

 **-Later that night-**

Akira: Step One is done. Here's how I look.

Akira: [ me . jpg ]

Ann: You look great.

Yusuke: Indeed.

Makoto: I got the uniform. I'll drop it off later.

Ryuji: So how are you going to explain the new look?

Akira: ...Never again will I tutor over-achieving ten year olds?

 **-Monday, November 14th, before first class-**

"You tutor?" asked Mishima.

"I do," Akira confirms, "my guardian thought that tutoring kids would help me in my rehabilitation."

"I don't think it worked out well," he gestured towards her head.

"No, it didn't."

"Holy crap," yelped Ann as she entered the class room and ran over to Akira, "I know you texted me a pic but seeing it for real is just...wow."

"Yeah," agreed Mishima, "it's weird seeing you like this after knowing you had it to your knees."

"It hasn't been that long since the Incident," said Akira, "The Lolita Incident, I mean."

 **-After school-**

Akira kept her face neutral as she watched Akechi do a double-take and stare at her in confusion. It was rather gratifying (and hilarious) to catch the Detective Prince off guard like this.

* * *

So uh, part of this was written months ago in my writing spree but I kept it back in the event I decided to actually write in chronological order. Since that's not happening, I decided to extend it a bit and release it into the wild.

Akechi's 'choice' is a reference to chapter five (aka the Bad End Chapter).

I don't remember rank 7 of Akechi's confidant but I do remember that rank 8 happens after the Interrogation. Somehow.

I've been wanting to write a whole chapter about Akechi but he seems to want to lend appearances to random chapters instead. It's been frustrating because I do want to explore how he would deal with a female protagonist as his 'rival' and he's been like 'lol nope.' *shrugs*

The Lolita Incident was last referenced in chapter 7. Current status: Still a noodle incident.

I'll see you all the next time I manage an update.


End file.
